You have worked together consistently and creatively to strengthen your partnership. You have experienced the winning combination of the 10 Steps and your mutual creativity. Now you know you can create most of what you want at every age and stage of your lives. This is the beginning of a lifelong process.
As we conclude this program and go into another new program, you will create a partnering date book that will help you continue working toward your Relighting Romance Goals - from the satisfying daily details to the juicy big dreams. Customize your date book together as you continue to create the partnership and life of your dreams ....
Where Do We Go from Here?
You may be asking the question, "Where do we go from here? We still have more goals on our one-year lists that we want to accomplish." You have daily details, maybe a few unresolved issues, and you may even be thinking about some future projects or dreams. Throughout the past 10 Steps, you have spent time regularly talking and actively listening to each other. You have completed many exercises individually and then come together, writing your goals and taking action steps to accomplish them. This is the process you will continue. To do this you will
- regularly repeat the exercises in Steps 8-10 as you continue to balance your Individual, Partnership, and Family goals, as well as set new targets;
- create a Relighting Romance date book to reinforce the 10 Steps and to continue working on your goals.
The Date Book
The aim of the date book is to make the Relighting Romance process continuous and ongoing throughout your lives. It is an agreement you make together to continue building your Big Picture. If you have not yet finished smoothing your daily details or settling unresolved issues, continue to make these your priority. Then, gradually, your date book can help you work toward those bigger goals and future dreams.
Perhaps your date book will include plans for how you want to live when the kids are grown and away from home. Maybe it will include a schedule of dialogue about where you want to go for that long-awaited vacation or sabbatical you have talked about for so long. Maybe you'll need to schedule talking times to discuss major career changes, starting a family, remodeling your home, or ways to socialize with your neighbors or contribute to your church or community.
Whatever your vision might be, it is important to set new goals regularly in your life together. Your Relighting Romance Partnering date book will help you do so.
Will Your Date Book Resemble Reba and Warren's?
Reba and Warren are a couple in their late forties. They have no children and are both professionals with active careers. When Warren and Reba sat down to create their date book, they began by assessing how far they'd come since they began using the partnering approach.
Warren recalled,
There is no question, we are definitely committed to talking regularly - that is a given. It has improved our connection. Talking and making sure we do nice things for each other - both are a must! We've already become adept at getting these into our daily and weekly schedules.
Our household routines - errands and grocery shopping, yard and auto upkeep, and taking turns cooking each night - have gone more smoothly. These used to be such a pain! We spent more time fighting about these things - and now, we just do them and spend time on our art projects or outdoor sports instead.
As they continued to share their experiences, Reba and Warren noted a few daily details that were still on their goal lists. One important area was financial planning. Warren said,
We've agreed to continue getting our finances under control in the next three to six months, especially as it will impact the long-range planning we want to do. We're agreeing to meet every other week for an hour to discuss action steps, look at the bills, consolidate our expenses, and plan ways to save money for the future.
Reba noted,
Our desire is to have completed our daily details goals six months from now so that those aspects of our lives are no-brainers. Then our goal is to look at what we'd like to create for fun in the coming ten to fifteen years when we'll have more fun time and more free time.
Reba and Warren went on to describe the future goals they had established. Warren explained,
At this stage, we want to give back to the world. In evaluating our values and priorities, we got clear - we have no kids, we have enough money, and we still have lots of energy and half our lives left to live. We started to discuss and reevaluate how to integrate giving something back to humanity.
Our discussions are new and our brainstorming list includes everything from volunteering to build Habitat for Humanity houses to joining the Red Cross Disaster Relief Teams, either nationally or internationally. Our goal is to come up with activities we can do each year that may eventually become our next "career" together.
Reba and Warren then highlighted a list of topics to put in their date book. Over the next few months, they would discuss one or two of these topics at each partnering meeting. As you'll note, most of these topics have to do with carving out more free time and balancing home and work... and then there's that one final item:
- Have a date night out, just the two of us, every other week
- Socialize with mutual friends, every other week
- Create more alone time
- Go to the health club three times a week (Reba)
- Run most mornings before work (Warren)
- Have dinner together most nights/coordinate so work meetings don't take precedence
- Attend monthly book club (Reba)
- Play squash or golf three to four times a month (Warren)
- Spice up our sex life!
Reba and Warren laughed as they were reminded of how much they still needed to keep balancing their daily details.
Reba concluded,
Let's just say we are still in the brainstorming stage, until we come up with a few more options that we are ready to try. Since these are six-to-twelve month goals, we have a little time to rework how we do all of this together. To learn more about doing your date book, you can check out Can You Get Back Together After Divorce.
