Problem #2: Your Partner Has a Good Friend of the Opposite Sex
In an ideal world, you and your partner should be able to pick out friends without regard to gender. I really do believe that men and women can be platonic friends. In fact, I have plenty of female pals to whom I have absolutely no sexual attraction, and they feel the same about me. I can hang out with them because my wife is understanding and secure with our relationship. But I also have nothing to hide from her - I'm up front with Betsy, so there's certainly no call for her to get jealous.
It's perfectly fine to have friends of the opposite sex, but you should never do anything with them that you couldn't invite your partner to join in on. In other words, nothing should be done behind their back. And sex should never enter the picture - friends don't have sexual contact if they're involved in relationships with other people.
Solution #2
I believe you should allow your partner to have any friends they choose, as long as your trust is never broken.
When it comes to exes, however, the water is a little murkier - of course it's theoretically possible to stay friends with someone whom you dated or married, but it's not very probable. Lingering sexual attraction or hurt feelings usually get in the way, and your partner may wonder why you feel the need to keep this person in your life (unless you have children together).
Your partner should introduce you to their friend as soon as possible so you can meet and get to know one another. This may defuse a lot of tension, if you're open with each other, your partner won't have to give up a cherished friendship. Secrets Of Good Marriage
Problem #3: Your Partner Takes Up Destructive Hobbies
l always joke with my wife that I'm going to take up smoking and drinking so I can have some real fun. There's nothing like a bad habit to inject a little excitement into a relationship. Okay, I'm just kidding, but potentially destructive interests can ruin relationships and lives.
What would happen if your partner proudly announced one day that they'd started gambling, getting high on drugs, or frequenting prostitutes and strip clubs? This may sound unbelievable, but let me assure you that it's entirely possible. And problem friends sometimes go right along with the problem activities. Usually people won't take up something illegal or destructive on their own - friends have a way of persuading intelligent, conservative people to indulge in outrageous pursuits. So what should you do if you find yourself in this situation?
Solution #3
First, define the activities that you absolutely can't tolerate under any circumstances. If any of these things begins to occur in your relationship, you must take a stand and insist that your partner discontinue it at once. The longer you tolerate bad behavior, the more it will continue. If you let your partner go out several nights a week and not return home until morning, what makes you think that they're going to see the error of their ways on their own? This is no time to be soft - your future may be riding on your ability to put your foot down.
Problem #4: Your Partner Doesn't Develop Any Outside Interests and Only Wants to Be with You
What if your partner only wants to concentrate on you? On the surface this would seem to be a great thing, as you get lavished with attention and love. Who doesn't want that?
You don't. Believe me, you don't want to be the sole focus of your partner. It will feel smothering and get old fast. A mature, healthy partner will balance time as a couple with time as an individual; in other words, they'll keep growing as a person. So your partner needs to keep some sense of individuality, rather than completely merging with you and your life.
Solution #4
When you first start dating someone, ask about their hobbies and friends. If you're met with a blank stare, or if the answer is "I only need you," the relationship could turn creepy very soon.
You should actively encourage your partner to keep seeing friends and enjoying outside hobbies and activities, while you do the same. This will add interest and variety to your relationship, especially if you've been together for any length of time.
If your partner refuses to pursue any interests outside of your relationship, then you need to decide whether you're willing to stay with an uninspired, dependent person who makes you feel trapped. If the answer is yes, then don't do anything - I'm sure this pattern will continue indefinitely. If the answer is no, then you may need to look elsewhere for someone with a little more get-up-and-go. Secrets Of Good Marriage
Problem #5: You Two Have Nothing in Common
Other relationship experts have suggested that two people can bond for a lifetime even if they have no common interests or friends. I disagree - lust and a strong physical attraction can certainly draw people together, but it won't be enough to sustain a relationship over time.
Problems will start up because you're interested in hobbies and leisure activities that your partner either hates or refuses to get involved in. If there's virtually nothing that you can share with your partner, then what will you do together for the rest of your lives?
Solution #5
The solution here is short and sweet: You need to ask questions while you're dating! It's better to find out that you're just two different people right away, instead of in a few years when the pain will be greater.
Honestly ask yourself, "Do we really want the same things out of life? Are we traveling on the same path? Do we enjoy some of the same outside interests? Do we have a similar taste in friends?"
Compatibility can't be forced. It's either there or it isn't in the relationship. Common interests and goals are simply an essential part of any good intimate relationship.
The last thing I'd like to say here is that it's really true that you should be friends with your partner, first and foremost, and then everything else will follow. My wife is my best friend, and I hope that you can say the same about your significant other. To learn more, you can check out Secrets Of Good Marriage.
