Tips For Marriage Life - Sex And Relationship

Tips For Marriage Life

Reality #8: When Sex Enters the Picture, Your Relationship Will Change 

Sex changes the dynamic of any relationship, it's that simple. It can bring two people closer together or can quickly lead to the end of the relationship. In fact, one of the most common questions I'm asked is: "When should I first sleep with someone?" I believe that sexual relations should only commence after you're pretty confident that the relationship will last and that you're not being used. Ultimately, this is something you'll probably feel in your gut, so you'll have to decide if the time is right and then go for it. I've known people who had sex on their first date and then went on to get married. I've seen others wait for years, only to have the relationship break up. So there's no absolute timetable for everyone.

Sex represents taking a chance in your relationship. If you've asked the right questions about your date's sexual history, you use protection, and you feel a real connection with each other, then your roll of the dice might be a successful one.

Reality #9: Long-Distance Relationships Are Almost Impossible to Pull Off 

I know this one from experience. When I was in college, I tried to carry on a relationship with someone who lived a few hours away. We really did like each other, but every weekend we spent our time together fighting about petty issues. I finally figured out that we were simply trying too hard to make every moment together "special," since we wouldn't see each other again for a week. The relationship ultimately crumbled from the pressure. Tips For Marriage Life

This isn't unusual. Long-distance relationships are mysterious and exciting but difficult to maintain. After all, you can't really get to know someone if you only see them periodically. If your relationship has any chance of working, then at some point you must make the commitment to live in the same location (of course, there are exceptions to every rule).

I'd also like to take this opportunity to comment on Internet dating. A friend of mine met his wife on-line-but he also moved to her city, and they got to know each other quite well before they committed. They have a great chance of staying together. However, meeting people over the lnternet can be very dangerous. People lie about themselves and misrepresent their lives - you really don't know whom you're chatting with. I implore you to at least be safe. Meet your new "e-buddy" in a very public place, and take a friend along,

Reality #10: You Need to Feel Comfortable in Order to Meet Another Person 

Dating is a humbling experience that can take its toll on your self-esteem. For example, many people make the mistake of going out to places that make them uncomfortable because they're the happening "meat markets." I met my wife at a local bar/restaurant, but it was a place where we both felt at ease.

Now you may get lucky and bump into your soul mate on the street one day, like in the movies. But chances are, that's not going to happen. So the challenge for you is to define what you like to do and then go out and pursue these activities. You'll meet people with similar interests, and if you don't find anyone to date, you'll at least make new friends ... and who knows who they'll introduce you to? After all, it's been said that most people meet their future spouses through mutual friends.

Reality # 1 1: It Only Takes One 

If you went out and asked ten people for a date and nine rejected you, you'd probably feel pretty lousy. Yet if just one said yes and you went on to have a terrific time, would it have been worth the effort?

My point here is that you may feel like giving up after a series of bad dates or rejections. But if your goal is to form a relationship that lasts, you can't afford to have this attitude. It's not going to work out with most of the people you date.., but one successful date is all you need to get the ball rolling for a successful relationship.

This is one area I personally know a lot about. I became so frustrated with dating at one point that I decided to go on a "dating sabbatical." So for several months I didn't ask anyone out or try to get phone numbers when I went out with friends. Strangely enough, I felt better about myself during this time than when I was dating, and I developed other interests. And this story has a happy ending, because I met Betsy when I wasn't looking. Our dates just seemed to click, and the rest is history. Tips For Marriage Life

Reality #12: There's No Use Playing Dating Games 

Playing games seems to be most people's m.o. out in the dating world - some people play hard to get, while others feel love for another person but won't say it out loud. This is a real shame - don't you think that your partner deserves to know how you really feel?

I admit that this is a matter of timing. It's probably not wise to profess your undying love to someone on the first date (that is, unless you want to see them flee as fast as they can!). But at some point, if you have loving feelings, you should share them. After all, it's possible that your partner feels exactly the same way you do, but is scared to admit it.

As I said before, the real you will eventually come out. Sharing and generosity will open the door for love and kindness to flow in both directions. Someone has to make the first move, so why not you?

Believe me, I know how hard dating can be. But I think that with the right attitude of openness, honesty; and fun, you can easily attract a great date - who just may turn into something more. To learn more, you can check out Tips For Marriage Life.

How To Make A Relationship Happy - Dating

How To Make A Relationship Happy

Many people have no clue how to date well, which is too bad - especially if they expect to have a successful relationship. After all, it's the first step in the whole process!

There are tricks to making your dating experiences fun and productive, so consider these advises as a primer on dating. I believe that after you've read this post, you'll have a much better handle on what it takes to have great dates and overcome common problems in this area to boot. If you accept the following realities, you'll be a successful "dater" in no time!

Reality # 1: Dating Is Difficult 

Finding a love match is really hard. If you can't make things happen with another person, is there something wrong with you? Probably not. In fact, most of the factors deciding whether somebody will date you or not are out of your control - so give yourself a break! Maybe the person you're interested in is on the rebound, depressed, involved with someone else, or just having a bad day; or maybe your timing is wrong. This all means that, in addition to your sparkling personality, you'll need to have some luck on your side as you wade through the dating pool. And, yes, you're gong to have to kiss a lot of frogs. This leads us to the next reality. How To Make A Relationship Happy

Reality #2: You May Have to Date a Lot Before You Find the Right Person 

Dating is like any other skill, so it may take some practice before you finally get it right. There's nothing wrong with meeting many new people - at least you'll get the sense of what you like and what turns you off. In other words, each unsuccessful dating experience is a slice of life that will help you define exactly what you want. I know that after you've been dumped it will be hard to think of it in this way, but try. Take some time to regroup, and then have the courage to start over again.

Reality #3: Be Yourself! 

You can't hide your true personality forever - it will naturally come out sooner or later. You are who you are, so what's the point of trying to fool someone else? 

Of course you and your date are going to put your best feet forward during your first few meetings, but if you act natural, you'll be able to see if there truly is any connection between you. This will save you both a lot of wasted time.

Reality #4: Great Dates Depend on Contributions from Both People 

You don't deserve a second date if you just sit there and depend on the other person to carry the conversation and entertain you. Dating is an active process that will only be successful if both people make an effort. It isn't your date's responsibility to make the evening a memorable experience for you.

Many people are taught that their suitors should have the dates all planned out from beginning to end. This is a big mistake. Instead of adhering to this outdated belief, why don't you initiate some interesting conversation or suggest something creative for you both to do? This way, you won't look like a bump on a log, and your date will most likely appreciate your efforts.

Reality #5: A Date Should Be Used to Ask Questions and Size Up the Other Person 

As you gaze across the table at your date, you find yourself dreamily thinking that they could be "The One," so you try not to be too forward or ask any upsetting questions. You don't really learn anything about this person's life ... until later, when you find out that they drink a lot, are ostracized from their family, and like to cheat on their partners. Suddenly, you realize that you're in love with a real loser.

How could this happen? Well, you made a crucial mistake in not asking questions about this person's life early on. You didn't do your dating job, which is to find out as much as you can about that person so that there are no surprises down the road. How To Make A Relationship Happy

There's nothing wrong with curiosity. In fact, if your date refuses to answer questions or acts offended, then you may be with someone who has some serious skeletons in their closet. The one question that I think is most important to ask during the first few dates is: "Why did your previous relationships fail?" Their answer will tell you a lot about how they handle failure, the types of people they like to get involved with, and how they attempt to solve problems. If they respond, "Oh, they just ended, that's all," press for more details. Nothing just "ends" - there are always reasons for relationship breakups.

Reality #6: While You're Dating Someone, Watch How They Treat Other People 

I can't stress this enough: If your date is rude to your friends, family members, or even total strangers, you can expect the same treatment at some point.

You may overlook this behavior because your date tells you that "you're different from the rest." Don't buy it. You can't afford to live in a fantasy world in your quest to choose a partner for life. Open your eyes and see that the way your partner acts at their worst moments will eventually be directed at you. Is this what you want?  

Reality #7: Too Much Attention May Drive Them Away 

The person you're dating has their own life. Just because you're not together for an evening doesn't mean that they're out picking up other people. Yet it may be tempting to contact your date often, to let them know you care, to keep tabs on them, or to just hear their voice. But to continue doing this may get you dumped, because your date may feel that you're smothering them.

On the other hand, I once read a book that said one should never call a date back. This is incredibly stupid advice, since common courtesy dictates that calls should be returned. The bottom line is that you should just take it easy and go with the flow. This is easier said than done, I know - but desperation is never a strong selling point, at any stage of a relationship. To learn more, you can check out How To make A Relationship Happy.

What Makes A Marriage Happy - Divorce And Breakups

What Makes A Marriage Happy

You may be wondering why I'm including a post on failed relationships. After all, the decision to divorce or break up is clearly made because it's determined that problems can't be solved.
 
Well, the reason is that I'd like you to think about several important things before and during the process of leaving another person, and I want you to know that there's a right way and a wrong way to do it. You're going to have to work through a tremendous amount of pain, and deal with your feelings of loss, before you can move on successfully. Divorce is especially difficult - particularly if you have kids or if you and your ex didn't split on the best of terms.
 
Instead of our old problem-and-solution format, in this post I'd like to suggest some ways to make the transition from "coupled" to "single" a bit easier.

Suggestion #1: Do Everything You Can to Save Your Relationship 

There are unprecedented levels of divorce in the United States today. More than 50 percent of marriages break up, which means that the odds are greater that you won't end up being together till death do you part than that you will! What Makes A Marriage Happy
 
But I don't want you to give up easily - a marriage or relationship at least deserves that you give it your all to save it. Here's what you can do:

1. Sit down with your partner and tell them what you're feeling. If they're engaging in behavior that you can't tolerate, tell them that it must stop immediately. 
2. If there's no change, tell your partner that their actions are endangering your relationship.
3. Insist that professional help (either singularly or together) is needed to work on a solution. Tell your partner that if this happens, your relationship has a chance of surviving.
4. If your partner refuses to acknowledge the problem or won't take any steps to correct it, you have every right to start the process to end the relationship.
5. Finally, try. not to second-guess your ultimate decision. Yes. it will be difficult to leave your partner and end the relationship, but remember that you're doing it to ensure your future happiness.

You need to go through these five steps in consecutive order so that you don't make a rash decision. A serious breakup will affect the rest of your life, so careful consideration of the consequences is necessary. However, if something so terrible has happened that the relationship is now irrevocably broken - such as abuse (physical and/or emotional), infidelity, chronic lying, lack of sexual interest in the other, or destructive habits or addictions - then you need to dust yourself off and move on.
 
Suggestion #2: Create a Formal End to the Relationship 

If the judge bangs down his gavel and proclaims that the marriage is over, then that's a pretty, good way to formally end things. But many relationships don't end so neatly, so it can be difficult to get on with your life. Consequently, many people keep returning to old partners because of unfinished business - they continue to see each other just as "friends," or they still sleep together. I think that's a mistake.
 
Of course it's really painful to say good-bye to someone you once loved, but unless you definitively end your relationship, you won't be able to move on. Your grieving process will be much more difficult if your former partner is still hanging around. Moreover, you probably won't begin to date other people, since the fantasy that you can "still make it work" will be alive and kicking. What Makes A Marriage Happy
 
I suggest that you tell your ex the following: "I really need to move on. This is incredibly difficult for me, but we need to go on with our lives and not see or talk to each other for a while." This implies that you may come into contact again in the future, but it will also give you time to really separate from each other.


You must find the strength to make this break. Use friends and family for support, and take some time for yourself. And this is really important - if there are possessions to be split up or children to raise, then the separation must be handled in a legal fashion. (I'm always amazed when people try to arrange their own custody. Invariably, one person begins to slack off on visits or financial support, and the children are ultimately the ones who are hurt.)
 
Suggestion #3: Try to Remain Civil, Even If Your Feelings Are Hurt 

Rejection hurts, and it brings out the worst in people. You may find yourself acting irrationally and doing things out of character, but please try to resist making public scenes or seeking revenge on the one who hurt you.
 
Anger and bitterness can consume people's lives, and these feelings won't make you feel better. I'm not saying that you shouldn't strongly express your sentiments to someone who got the best of you. If you need to tell them off, go for it. Get it out of your system, but then tell yourself that it's time to grieve your loss. This is the action that will help you the most, Focus energy on yourself instead of your ex. Relationship failures hurt, and you need to take time to deal with your feelings. It may take up to a year or so before you'll feel like going out and meeting new people again. This is perfectly acceptable. Don't bow to pressure from close friends and family members who want to speed you along - you need to go at your own pace.
 
The best revenge is moving on and finding happiness. Don't give someone you broke up with the power to ruin your life forever.

Suggestion #4: Be Kind to Yourself 

This may sound cliched, but so what? At the end of the day, the only person you have control over is you. You can't force anybody else to be nice to you, but when things get rough, you can make the conscious decision to be nice to yourself. Look at yourself in the mirror and say; "I'm okay. I really am. I pledge to do good things for myself that make me happy."
 
Then let yourself be a human being. Cry if you must, and talk about your pain with your family and friends. Before you know it, you'll laugh again and will even find someone else to bond with ... and maybe that person will be the one you ultimately spend your life with. But until you properly deal with the emotions of your breakup and give yourself time to heal properly, you won't be ready for the happy and healthy relationship you deserve. To learn more, you can check out What Makes A Marriage Happy.

Secrets Of Good Marriage - Good Friend Of Opposite Sex

Secrets Of Good Marriage

Problem #2: Your Partner Has a Good Friend of the Opposite Sex 

In an ideal world, you and your partner should be able to pick out friends without regard to gender. I really do believe that men and women can be platonic friends. In fact, I have plenty of female pals to whom I have absolutely no sexual attraction, and they feel the same about me. I can hang out with them because my wife is understanding and secure with our relationship. But I also have nothing to hide from her - I'm up front with Betsy, so there's certainly no call for her to get jealous.

It's perfectly fine to have friends of the opposite sex, but you should never do anything with them that you couldn't invite your partner to join in on. In other words, nothing should be done behind their back. And sex should never enter the picture - friends don't have sexual contact if they're involved in relationships with other people.
 

Solution #2
 
I believe you should allow your partner to have any friends they choose, as long as your trust is never broken.
When it comes to exes, however, the water is a little murkier - of course it's theoretically possible to stay friends with someone whom you dated or married, but it's not very probable. Lingering sexual attraction or hurt feelings usually get in the way, and your partner may wonder why you feel the need to keep this person in your life (unless you have children together).
 
Your partner should introduce you to their friend as soon as possible so you can meet and get to know one another. This may defuse a lot of tension, if you're open with each other, your partner won't have to give up a cherished friendship. Secrets Of Good Marriage

Problem #3: Your Partner Takes Up Destructive Hobbies 

l always joke with my wife that I'm going to take up smoking and drinking so I can have some real fun. There's nothing like a bad habit to inject a little excitement into a relationship. Okay, I'm just kidding, but potentially destructive interests can ruin relationships and lives.
 
What would happen if your partner proudly announced one day that they'd started gambling, getting high on drugs, or frequenting prostitutes and strip clubs? This may sound unbelievable, but let me assure you that it's entirely possible. And problem friends sometimes go right along with the problem activities. Usually people won't take up something illegal or destructive on their own - friends have a way of persuading intelligent, conservative people to indulge in outrageous pursuits. So what should you do if you find yourself in this situation?
 
Solution #3 

First, define the activities that you absolutely can't tolerate under any circumstances. If any of these things begins to occur in your relationship, you must take a stand and insist that your partner discontinue it at once. The longer you tolerate bad behavior, the more it will continue. If you let your partner go out several nights a week and not return home until morning, what makes you think that they're going to see the error of their ways on their own? This is no time to be soft - your future may be riding on your ability to put your foot down. 

Problem #4: Your Partner Doesn't Develop Any Outside Interests and Only Wants to Be with You 

What if your partner only wants to concentrate on you? On the surface this would seem to be a great thing, as you get lavished with attention and love. Who doesn't want that?
 
You don't. Believe me, you don't want to be the sole focus of your partner. It will feel smothering and get old fast. A mature, healthy partner will balance time as a couple with time as an individual; in other words, they'll keep growing as a person. So your partner needs to keep some sense of individuality, rather than completely merging with you and your life.
 
Solution #4 

When you first start dating someone, ask about their hobbies and friends. If you're met with a blank stare, or if the answer is "I only need you," the relationship could turn creepy very soon.
 
You should actively encourage your partner to keep seeing friends and enjoying outside hobbies and activities, while you do the same. This will add interest and variety to your relationship, especially if you've been together for any length of time.
 
If your partner refuses to pursue any interests outside of your relationship, then you need to decide whether you're willing to stay with an uninspired, dependent person who makes you feel trapped. If the answer is yes, then don't do anything - I'm sure this pattern will continue indefinitely. If the answer is no, then you may need to look elsewhere for someone with a little more get-up-and-go. Secrets Of Good Marriage
 
Problem #5: You Two Have Nothing in Common 

Other relationship experts have suggested that two people can bond for a lifetime even if they have no common interests or friends. I disagree - lust and a strong physical attraction can certainly draw people together, but it won't be enough to sustain a relationship over time.
 
Problems will start up because you're interested in hobbies and leisure activities that your partner either hates or refuses to get involved in. If there's virtually nothing that you can share with your partner, then what will you do together for the rest of your lives?
 
Solution #5 

The solution here is short and sweet: You need to ask questions while you're dating! It's better to find out that you're just two different people right away, instead of in a few years when the pain will be greater.
 

Honestly ask yourself, "Do we really want the same things out of life? Are we traveling on the same path? Do we enjoy some of the same outside interests? Do we have a similar taste in friends?"
 
Compatibility can't be forced. It's either there or it isn't in the relationship. Common interests and goals are simply an essential part of any good intimate relationship.
 
The last thing I'd like to say here is that it's really true that you should be friends with your partner, first and foremost, and then everything else will follow. My wife is my best friend, and I hope that you can say the same about your significant other. To learn more, you can check out Secrets Of Good Marriage.