How To Make A Happy Relationship - Who's Make The Decisions

How To Make A Happy Relationship

Problem #3: Your Partner Wants to Make All the Decisions 

The best relationships are "run" by both partners. For example, some nights my wife decides what to have for dinner, while other nights I make the call. We share the responsibility equally - because we're both mature enough to let the other have their way. This is a simple example, but it illustrates our ability to share. No matter whether the decision is large or small, we both have input.

The jealous and controlling partner won't allow you to have any ideas of your own. The jealous part of them can't admit that maybe you're smart, too; and the controlling part of them feels the need to make all the decisions, it may be easy for you to sit back and go with the flow, but trust me, this tendency will ultimately make your life much more difficult. You'll have absolutely no say in anything that happens in your relationship, and you'll eventually feel smothered.

You mustn't allow yourself to get into this situation. Here's the solution. How To Make A Happy Relationship

Solution #3 

Early on in your relationship, you need to develop a presence as a decisive person and offer up your input regarding any major decision that affects you both. Whether your partner agrees with you or not isn't the point - but you'll have sent the message that you're assertive and you won't be arbitrarily controlled and pushed around. Then you can both compromise and decide together what path seems best.

If your partner insists that all decisions must go their way, then know that you've committed to a selfish narcissist who's on a power trip at your expense. Over time you'll grow very unhappy unless you have the courage to make the one decision that's yours and yours alone - end the relationship and find a more amenable partner.

Problem #4: Your Partner Can't Be Proud of You 

Your jealous partner just can't say, "Good job! I'm really proud of you." Instead, they secretly wish you to fail because this will prove that they're indeed brighter and more talented than you are. And if you try something new and don't succeed, your jealous partner will either pepper you with insulting or degrading remarks or won't say anything at all. 

Perhaps your partner had an undemonstrative parent who never showed them any love. If that's the case, they should get help - it's not fair for you to be the recipient of their childhood baggage. But regardless of what the motivation is, when jealousy enters your relationship, it becomes a race to see who's "better" ... a race nobody can win.

Solution #4

There's no way to force your partner to be supportive or to say nice things to you. No matter how perfect you are or how much you accomplish, your partner may never be able to provide the acceptance you long for. How To Make A Happy Relationship

However, it's reasonable for you to need some sort of emotional support. If your partner is willing (which I doubt they will be), explore why it's difficult for them to say kind words to you. Then, if the pattern doesn't change for the better, you have to decide to do things just for yourself. You may be surprised to learn that your partner is left in your wake as you expand your circle of friends and bring some excitement into your life.

As you deal with a jealous partner, just remember that a person who really loves you will be on your side and root for you to succeed in life. Even if you fall flat on your face, they'll be there to pick you up and offer words of encouragement and support because they value you.

They'll want you to be your own person, pick your friends, dress how you want, and have the freedom to pursue your own interests and dreams. A truly loving mate allows you to keep growing as a person, rather than attempting to mold you into what they want. So control your own destiny - don't let another person's jealous and controlling nature stand in your way. 

Anger

Can you remember a time when you were extremely angry at your significant other? How did you express yourself - did you yell and scream, throw things, or just slink away and pout for days?

If you grew up in a home where anger wasn't managed correctly and matters got out of hand, then you probably think of it as a destructive emotion. Whether your parents had knock-down, drag-out fights or didn't speak to each other for days - the message was sent that anger causes people to act irrationally and even ruin their relationships.

If you were really lucky, your childhood experience was different, and you were able to see your parents come together to calmly and rationally discuss their relationship conflicts. Your mom and dad may have been upset with each other, but they dealt with their problems and moved on. And so, as you got older, you learned to channel angry feelings constructively.


I hope that after you've read this and next post, you'll actually be able to use anger to your advantage and develop effective techniques for managing any frustrations you might have. In fact, I don't think that you have much choice in this matter - if you refuse to learn how to control your anger or if you stay with someone who's full of rage, then this decision will impact your life in very negative ways, So it's time to leave behind the yelling and, silent treatments and choose peace and tranquility.

To learn more, you can check out How To Make A Happy Relationship.

What Is A Good Relationship Like - Jealousy And Control

What Is A Good Relationship Like

Jealousy is an incredibly complex emotion caused by the fear of losing someone or something to a rival. And it's so common that if I had to pick one motivating force behind wars, crime, violence, and greed, jealousy would certainly top the list.
 
But notice that I also included the word control in the title of this post. That's because a jealous person will almost always attempt to control the actions and emotions of their partner, for if someone is controlled, they'll hypothetically be less likely to abandon their significant other. Therefore, by being in charge and making the rules, the jealous partner feels more secure. And so: 

Insecurity and low self-esteem -> leads to the emotion of jealousy -> leads to controlling behavior.

So we can see that a partner who tries to control is really experiencing internal turmoil, which is a symptom of an underlying insecurity, Now they can be seen in a different light - as someone who lacks confidence and feels unsure about their own ability to secure someone's love. Therefore, the controlling partner is really showing a "false self" to the world in an attempt to cover up their own fears and anxieties. What Is A Good Relationship Like
 
I think that the answer to dealing with a consistently jealous and controlling partner is quite simple - get out of the relationship! But this isn't necessarily easy to accomplish, especially when you're afraid that your partner will do whatever they can to force you to stay with them.
 
Remember, their fear of losing you will fuel the jealousy, so it's natural for them to up the ante when you realize that you've had enough and want to leave. They may even threaten retribution, physical violence, stalking, or suicide, but this craziness should only convince you even more that you need to extricate yourself from the relationship.
 
There are a number of problems associated with jealousy and control, so let's just examine the most serious ones.
 
Problem #1: Your Nice, Rational Partner Suddenly Turns into a Raving Lunatic 

In the beginning, your partner swept you off your feet. As you were wined and dined and lavished with gifts and attention, you felt as if you were in a dream. Everything was going beautifully, and you fell in love. But then, the tone changed dramatically. Instead of wanting to see you every day, this person wanted to keep track of you every day. You were encouraged to stop seeing your friends and family. The flowers stopped arriving, and the romance dried up. Despite your hopes and prayers, things never went back to the way they were, and you found that you were stuck with a jealous, controlling partner.
 
At that point it may have seemed impossible to leave the relationship because the more you were controlled and pushed around, the more you felt threatened and insecure. But freedom can be a reality. Read on.
 
Solution #1 

First, ask yourself the following question: "Am I doing anything to warrant this jealousy?" If you are - for example, you're staying out all night, cheating, acting suspiciously, or excluding your partner from parts of your life - then the jealousy may be a reasonable response to your behavior.
 
But if you aren't doing anything to cause your partner to become jealous and controlling, then you have to take action to address the situation immediately: You must sit, down with your partner and tell them the following: "I cannot be with a jealous and controlling person. I know that you think that acting this way will make it less likely for me to leave you. But the opposite is going to happen - this behavior will push me away even quicker. If you continue to act this way, I can't be with you. You need to back off and let me be who I am."
 
They'll probably say that they just want you to be happy; they may even try to get you to admit that you're considering ending the relationship (making them justified in their jealousy). Don't fall for this manipulation. The longer you allow your partner to be the dominant force, the harder it will be to change the pattern.

If you can't do what I've suggested, then consider the following: Jealousy usually doesn't get better by itself - in fact, things usually get worse, progressing to much more punitive methods of control, including verbal and physical abuse.
 
Also keep in mind that a partner who comes on really strong early in the relationship (and wants to be with you every waking moment) may be the type to exhibit intense jealousy and control later on. Just because someone seems like a prince at first doesn't necessarily mean that they won't turn back into a frog as the relationship progresses. What Is A Good Relationship Like

Problem #2: Your Partner Tries to Isolate You from Others 

The movie Sleeping with the Enemy, starring Julia Roberts and Patrick Bergin, shows in graphic detail what can happen if you become isolated and totally dependent on a controlling partner. If you've never seen it, here's a synopsis: Julia and Patrick's characters are married and live in a remote beach house. She has no friends, family members, or close associates nearby, as he's gotten her to believe that she needs to get away from all of her old people and "start fresh" with him. He does the shopping and goes to work while she sits isolated and helpless in their home.
 
As soon as he returns each day, he checks the house thoroughly to make sure that she's had no visitors. He also demands that she act "perfectly" for him that is, he measures how straight the towels are hung or how tidy the cupboards are. Anything out of step incites him to beat her.
 
The cycle of physical abuse continues to the point that she fakes her own death to start a new life in another town a thousand miles away (Since this is a Hollywood movie, the husband hunts her down, thus setting the stage for an explosive and violent ending.)

I certainly hope that your relationship doesn't turn out like this, but the point I'm trying to make is that you need to stay in touch with your friends and family even if you're in a dream relationship. Isolation could make you dependent on a jealous and controlling significant other, which is a terrible position to be in.
 

Solution #2 

You must do two things to avoid this relationship problem:

1. Make every attempt to keep in touch with your loved ones. It's downright rude to ignore your friends and family members just because you're flying high. What happens if you crash? Will you have done so much damage to your connection with them that you have no one to turn to during the rough times? Plus, it's never good to relate to just one other person - you need some variety in your life.
2. If your partner tells you to drop your friends and family, know that this is extremely selfish and disrespectful. It's also a warning sign that your partner is highly insecure and jealous, which could get out of hand as the relationship progresses. You're nobody's possession, so you shouldn't be told whom to associate with. Adamantly resist your partner's wish to isolate you from the world - don't let them wield that much power over you.

To learn more, you can check out What Is A Good Relationship Like.

How To Make A Relationship Stronger - How Is Your Partner

How To Make A Relationship Stronger

Problem #2: Your Partner Is a Loser 

My definition of a "loser" may be quite different from yours, but I think that we can agree on some basic characteristics.
 
For example, you may be with someone who has no desire whatsoever to make a good home for you, to devote time and energy to your family and children, to stay consistently employed, or to treat you and others with respect. Perhaps your partner cheats, lies, or does hurtful things behind your back ... no matter, the result is the same - you're forced to become the responsible one in the relationship, while your partner is the lazy or irresponsible (or even law-breaking) one.
 

Why would you stay with someone like this? Ask yourself the following questions:

• Do I maintain the false hope that my partner will finally "see the light" and get their act together, even if there's no evidence to the contrary?
• Do I feel that since we vowed to stay together for "better or worse," I just need to put up with this behavior?
• Do I realize on some level that I made a poor decision about my partner, yet I'm too proud to admit that I made a mistake?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, you're blindly devoted to a loser who's going to take you right down with them.
 
Solution #2 

Honestly examine your relationship. Know that if your partner really, truly cared about you, they would have made every attempt to stay out of trouble and lead a responsible life. I simply don't see how someone could claim to love you while they're continually drinking, drugging, cheating, not working, breaking laws, or abusing you or the family. It just doesn't add up. How To Make A Relationship Stronger

What can you do? You've got two choices:

1. Do nothing; and lead a life filled with uncertainty, insecurity, and anxiety.
2. Demand that your partner take responsibility for their actions so that they do whatever's best for you and your family at all times.

Which will it be for you? Remember that others will ultimately classify you in the same way as those with whom you closely associate. Therefore, it will be impossible for you to say, "Well, I may be with a loser, but I'm not one." Yes, you are - after all, you're the one who made the choice to be with this person.

Problem #3: You're Addicted to Making Up 

You had a horrible fight with your partner, and you feel awful. However, the next day you get a bouquet of flowers, a new piece of jewelry, or plane tickets to a romantic locale. Suddenly if feels like it did when you first started dating. This all sounds pretty good, right? I mean, who doesn't want to be swept off their feet? The problem is that this behavior doesn't come from a genuine place - it's a thinly veiled attempt by your partner to win you over after they did something wrong. The cycle is this: 

Partner treats you badly -> an argument ensues -> the relationship is in danger -> your partner apologizes for the behavior and showers you with affection and/or gifts in order to keep you in the relationship -> you're then overwhelmed and eager to lap up any morsel of love -> relationship continues. 

You may be addicted to the euphoric feelings associated with making up, since it's the only positive attention you get from your partner. Yet this blinds you to the reality that your partner must have done something very wrong to lead to this whole situation in the first place. It's almost as if the process of breaking up and making up has taken on an aphrodisiacal quality. I called this the "relationship roller coaster," where the ups and down of the "ride" can be so exhilarating that you forget there's an option to get off.
 
Solution #3 

You need to accept the fact that making up over and over isn't going to sustain your relationship. What happens before your partner asks for another chance? They've made a mistake (sometimes a big one), and they want you to be distracted by their subsequent wooing. This doesn't do a thing to address the root of your problems.
 
It's time to stop your devotion to make-up situations. Instead, you and your partner should make a concerted effort to discuss potential problems before things get out of hand. And you should insist that your partner show you love and respect even when nothing's wrong! 

Fight the urge to stay on a relationship roller coaster, for your relationship won't be able to sustain its highs and lows. A boring relationship isn't the answer, but a predictable one will stand the test of time. How To Make A Relationship Stronger

Problem #4: You Chose a Partner Out of Spite 

Rebellious teenagers sometimes date people their parents hate just to make waves and shake things up a bit. This is a common adolescent coping skill, which helps them start the process of separating from their parents and declaring their own independence.
 
Since I assume that you're no longer a teenager, you shouldn't be employing this tactic any longer. Yet you may be tempted to date a "bad boy (or girl)" as a convenient way to proclaim, "I'll do what I want, and you can't stop me!" Not only is this an angry gesture, it's also completely unfair to the person you're with, who's being used to generate controversy. So grow up and be with a partner for the right reasons - that is, you have fun together, share common interests, are physically attracted to one another, and genuinely like each other.
 

Solution #4 

If you continue to see someone whom your family or friends dislike, think about the real reasons behind your behavior. Do your loved ones wish to see you fail? Or are you angry with them for not supporting your choice? If the latter is the case, ask yourself if it's worth sacrificing happiness because you're upset with other people. I mean, do you want to live as a spiteful, revenge-seeking person who only hurts yourself (and your partner) in the end? You can certainly assert your power and independence in many positive ways, instead of by trying to shock everyone by making a poor relationship decision.


Keep in mind that if you're blindly devoted to someone who's no good for you, it's probably best to listen to the opinions of the people you trust. Know that they really just want you to be happy. And even if you do feel a magnetic pull toward this person, remember that truly wise people know when to cut their losses and move on. To learn more, you can check out How To Make A Relationship Stronger.

How To Make A Relationship Healthy - Always Care About Your Partner

How To Make A Relationship Healthy

Problem #3: Your Partner Puts Others First 

When you enter into a committed relationship, it's not unreasonable to assume that you are now number one in your partner's book and should be treated accordingly. Your partner may maintain that their parents, friends, or career should be on par with you - yet I guarantee that you'll begin to feel resentment and envy if you're relegated to a supporting role.
 

I received a call on my radio show recently from a man whose wife still spent a lot of time with her ex-husband. In fact, she actually spent more time with him and his family than she did with her current spouse! This man felt awful about it, but he thought if he asked his wife for equal treatment, he'd appear greedy and childish, I helped him realize that his wife needed to commit time to him first and others second.
 
If your partner doesn't want to spend any quality time with you or always makes excuses to be away from home, you need to take immediate action. How To Make A Relationship Healthy
 
Solution #3 

As I mentioned, you have every right to be the most important person in the world to your partner. This doesn't mean that other people should be shunned, but they definitely need to come second to you.
 
This solution means that your partner will do the following:

1. Consult with you before making plans with others.
2. Include you in family functions and not automatically take their family's side in conflicts.
3. Spend more time with you than any other person in the world. 

Problem #4: Your Partner Refuses to Get Help

Serious relationship problems require a concerted attempt by both of you to find a solution or middle ground - and you may need professional help to do so. Yet some people won't acknowledge the severity of a problem, which is incredibly arrogant and naive. Some conflicts, unless tackled with the help of a counselor or therapist, will lead to the destruction of your relationship. You shouldn't be talked into believing that your problems will either (a) magically go away, or (b) be easily solved by the two of you if there's a chronic failure to do so.
 
You need to be with someone who will at least try to seriously analyze your problems. If you're with a partner who's just too lazy, proud, or stubborn to admit that things aren't right, then you'll be fighting your battles alone.
 
Solution #4 

You can't force someone to attend a counseling session or to fully participate if they don't go. Take this into consideration - why would you want to stay with someone who has no interest in saving your relationship? If, however, your partner agrees to get some help, then you've both taken a step in the right direction, and there's hope for you two as a couple.
 
No matter what your partner decides, I encourage you to educate yourself about relationship dynamics - this includes reading self-help materials, attending seminars and going to a therapist by yourself. You may still find that you'll be able to sort out your feelings so you can make an informed and rational decision about the viability of your relationship. In the process, you just might acquire better coping skills and enhanced self esteem. This, in and of itself, is a great gift to give yourself.

Blind Devotion

Some partners just bring out the worst in you - but even as you destroy each other's lives in an endless cycle of arguments, emotional abuse, physical altercations, and other relationship problems, you just can't seem to let go. It's as if a magnet has drawn you together, blinding you to the reality that you're just not compatible. I call this phenomenon "blind devotion." How To Make A Relationship Healthy

Problem # 1: No One Knows Your Partner Like You Do 

If you ever hear yourself expressing this sentiment, a big red flag should go up immediately. You'll usually find yourself making this statement after someone has pointed out the problems in your relationship. Your defenses go up, and you retaliate by effectively shutting down the conversation. After all, who can really argue this point with you? Of course you know personal things about your partner that no one else does ... but you may also be ignoring some more obvious signals that others are picking up on.
 
Most people will eventually leave a relationship if it's bad most of the time. However, if your partner is disrespectful sporadically yet has moments of tenderness and generosity, it will be natural to feel confused, especially when you factor in what others are saying. So what should you do? 

Solution # 1
 
First, objectively analyze your partner's strengths and weaknesses. This may be tough to do, but be honest - a abuse, abandonment, disrespect, and infidelity ever good for a relationship?
 
Next, if most of the people who care about you are imploring you to leave your partner, you may want to listen. Not all of them can be wrong - yet I've heard many people in similar situations insist that other people "don't know what they're talking about!" Maybe you're the one who can't see the forest for the trees, and you should give your loved ones some credit for noticing things that you can't. To learn more, you can check out How To Make A Relationship Healthy.