Problem #2: Your Partner Is a Loser
My definition of a "loser" may be quite different from yours, but I think that we can agree on some basic characteristics.
For example, you may be with someone who has no desire whatsoever to make a good home for you, to devote time and energy to your family and children, to stay consistently employed, or to treat you and others with respect. Perhaps your partner cheats, lies, or does hurtful things behind your back ... no matter, the result is the same - you're forced to become the responsible one in the relationship, while your partner is the lazy or irresponsible (or even law-breaking) one.
Why would you stay with someone like this? Ask yourself the following questions:
- Do I maintain the false hope that my partner will finally "see the light" and get their act together, even if there's no evidence to the contrary?
- Do I feel that since we vowed to stay together for "better or worse," I just need to put up with this behavior?
- Do I realize on some level that I made a poor decision about my partner, yet I'm too proud to admit that I made a mistake?
Solution #2
Honestly examine your relationship. Know that if your partner really, truly cared about you, they would have made every attempt to stay out of trouble and lead a responsible life. I simply don't see how someone could claim to love you while they're continually drinking, drugging, cheating, not working, breaking laws, or abusing you or the family. It just doesn't add up. How To Make A Relationship Stronger
What can you do? You've got two choices:
- Do nothing; and lead a life filled with uncertainty, insecurity, and anxiety.
- Demand that your partner take responsibility for their actions so that they do whatever's best for you and your family at all times.
Which will it be for you? Remember that others will ultimately classify you in the same way as those with whom you closely associate. Therefore, it will be impossible for you to say, "Well, I may be with a loser, but I'm not one." Yes, you are - after all, you're the one who made the choice to be with this person.
Problem #3: You're Addicted to Making Up
You had a horrible fight with your partner, and you feel awful. However, the next day you get a bouquet of flowers, a new piece of jewelry, or plane tickets to a romantic locale. Suddenly if feels like it did when you first started dating. This all sounds pretty good, right? I mean, who doesn't want to be swept off their feet? The problem is that this behavior doesn't come from a genuine place - it's a thinly veiled attempt by your partner to win you over after they did something wrong. The cycle is this:
Partner treats you badly -> an argument ensues -> the relationship is in danger -> your partner apologizes for the behavior and showers you with affection and/or gifts in order to keep you in the relationship -> you're then overwhelmed and eager to lap up any morsel of love -> relationship continues.
You may be addicted to the euphoric feelings associated with making up, since it's the only positive attention you get from your partner. Yet this blinds you to the reality that your partner must have done something very wrong to lead to this whole situation in the first place. It's almost as if the process of breaking up and making up has taken on an aphrodisiacal quality. I called this the "relationship roller coaster," where the ups and down of the "ride" can be so exhilarating that you forget there's an option to get off.
Solution #3
You need to accept the fact that making up over and over isn't going to sustain your relationship. What happens before your partner asks for another chance? They've made a mistake (sometimes a big one), and they want you to be distracted by their subsequent wooing. This doesn't do a thing to address the root of your problems.
It's time to stop your devotion to make-up situations. Instead, you and your partner should make a concerted effort to discuss potential problems before things get out of hand. And you should insist that your partner show you love and respect even when nothing's wrong!
Fight the urge to stay on a relationship roller coaster, for your relationship won't be able to sustain its highs and lows. A boring relationship isn't the answer, but a predictable one will stand the test of time. How To Make A Relationship Stronger
Problem #4: You Chose a Partner Out of Spite
Rebellious teenagers sometimes date people their parents hate just to make waves and shake things up a bit. This is a common adolescent coping skill, which helps them start the process of separating from their parents and declaring their own independence.
Since I assume that you're no longer a teenager, you shouldn't be employing this tactic any longer. Yet you may be tempted to date a "bad boy (or girl)" as a convenient way to proclaim, "I'll do what I want, and you can't stop me!" Not only is this an angry gesture, it's also completely unfair to the person you're with, who's being used to generate controversy. So grow up and be with a partner for the right reasons - that is, you have fun together, share common interests, are physically attracted to one another, and genuinely like each other.
Solution #4
If you continue to see someone whom your family or friends dislike, think about the real reasons behind your behavior. Do your loved ones wish to see you fail? Or are you angry with them for not supporting your choice? If the latter is the case, ask yourself if it's worth sacrificing happiness because you're upset with other people. I mean, do you want to live as a spiteful, revenge-seeking person who only hurts yourself (and your partner) in the end? You can certainly assert your power and independence in many positive ways, instead of by trying to shock everyone by making a poor relationship decision.
Keep in mind that if you're blindly devoted to someone who's no good for you, it's probably best to listen to the opinions of the people you trust. Know that they really just want you to be happy. And even if you do feel a magnetic pull toward this person, remember that truly wise people know when to cut their losses and move on. To learn more, you can check out How To Make A Relationship Stronger.
