Problem #3: Your Partner Puts Others First
When you enter into a committed relationship, it's not unreasonable to assume that you are now number one in your partner's book and should be treated accordingly. Your partner may maintain that their parents, friends, or career should be on par with you - yet I guarantee that you'll begin to feel resentment and envy if you're relegated to a supporting role.
I received a call on my radio show recently from a man whose wife still spent a lot of time with her ex-husband. In fact, she actually spent more time with him and his family than she did with her current spouse! This man felt awful about it, but he thought if he asked his wife for equal treatment, he'd appear greedy and childish, I helped him realize that his wife needed to commit time to him first and others second.
If your partner doesn't want to spend any quality time with you or always makes excuses to be away from home, you need to take immediate action. How To Make A Relationship Healthy
Solution #3
As I mentioned, you have every right to be the most important person in the world to your partner. This doesn't mean that other people should be shunned, but they definitely need to come second to you.
This solution means that your partner will do the following:
- Consult with you before making plans with others.
- Include you in family functions and not automatically take their family's side in conflicts.
- Spend more time with you than any other person in the world.
Serious relationship problems require a concerted attempt by both of you to find a solution or middle ground - and you may need professional help to do so. Yet some people won't acknowledge the severity of a problem, which is incredibly arrogant and naive. Some conflicts, unless tackled with the help of a counselor or therapist, will lead to the destruction of your relationship. You shouldn't be talked into believing that your problems will either (a) magically go away, or (b) be easily solved by the two of you if there's a chronic failure to do so.
You need to be with someone who will at least try to seriously analyze your problems. If you're with a partner who's just too lazy, proud, or stubborn to admit that things aren't right, then you'll be fighting your battles alone.
Solution #4
You can't force someone to attend a counseling session or to fully participate if they don't go. Take this into consideration - why would you want to stay with someone who has no interest in saving your relationship? If, however, your partner agrees to get some help, then you've both taken a step in the right direction, and there's hope for you two as a couple.
No matter what your partner decides, I encourage you to educate yourself about relationship dynamics - this includes reading self-help materials, attending seminars and going to a therapist by yourself. You may still find that you'll be able to sort out your feelings so you can make an informed and rational decision about the viability of your relationship. In the process, you just might acquire better coping skills and enhanced self esteem. This, in and of itself, is a great gift to give yourself.
Blind Devotion
Some partners just bring out the worst in you - but even as you destroy each other's lives in an endless cycle of arguments, emotional abuse, physical altercations, and other relationship problems, you just can't seem to let go. It's as if a magnet has drawn you together, blinding you to the reality that you're just not compatible. I call this phenomenon "blind devotion." How To Make A Relationship Healthy
Problem # 1: No One Knows Your Partner Like You Do
If you ever hear yourself expressing this sentiment, a big red flag should go up immediately. You'll usually find yourself making this statement after someone has pointed out the problems in your relationship. Your defenses go up, and you retaliate by effectively shutting down the conversation. After all, who can really argue this point with you? Of course you know personal things about your partner that no one else does ... but you may also be ignoring some more obvious signals that others are picking up on.
Most people will eventually leave a relationship if it's bad most of the time. However, if your partner is disrespectful sporadically yet has moments of tenderness and generosity, it will be natural to feel confused, especially when you factor in what others are saying. So what should you do?
Solution # 1
First, objectively analyze your partner's strengths and weaknesses. This may be tough to do, but be honest - a abuse, abandonment, disrespect, and infidelity ever good for a relationship?
Next, if most of the people who care about you are imploring you to leave your partner, you may want to listen. Not all of them can be wrong - yet I've heard many people in similar situations insist that other people "don't know what they're talking about!" Maybe you're the one who can't see the forest for the trees, and you should give your loved ones some credit for noticing things that you can't. To learn more, you can check out How To Make A Relationship Healthy.
