Get Your Wife Back Another Man - Jon's Side Of Story

Get Your Wife Back Another Man

Jon, of course, was blown away by what he saw when he returned from his trip. He had no idea that Sue was having an affair. It seemed like a very bad dream from which he would eventually wake up. But after a few days passed, he had to face the truth. He knew that he had been betrayed by the one he trusted most in life, his wife. She had hurt him more than he could have ever imagined. This is how Jon described his feelings to me:
 
When we first married, Sue and I made an agreement with each other that we would always be honest about our feelings. I trusted her and never doubted her word. Now I will never believe a thing she says to me again.
 

Ever since I've known her, she has cared about the way people feel. She can't even hurt a bug. Yet she has chosen to hurt me, the one she promised to care for the most. I thought I knew her but l guess I never did. How could I have not seen through her deceit? How could I have been so blind?
 
Sue and I both worked very hard to build a good life for ourselves and our children. I admit that I have not been with her much these past few years. I could have done a better job helping her raise our children too. But we talked about all of that and she agreed with me that what I was doing was best for all of us. I didn't complain to her about the sacrifices I was making for our future, and she didn't complain to me, either. We just did what we felt needed to be done.
 
Now I don't know what to think. What gets me is that I had plenty of opportunity to cheat on her, but I resisted the temptation because I would have felt too guilty about it. Apparently she doesn't care enough about me to feel guilty. She can just jump in bed with whomever happens to come along and feel great about it the next day. I just don't know her anymore. Get Your Wife Back Another Man
 
I strongly believe that a husband and wife should have the freedom to have any friend they want, male or female. My wife and I have discussed that in the past and we agree. When she asked me how I'd feel if she had coffee with her friend Greg, I said, "sure." I didn't think anything of it. It was the worst mistake of my life. I can't believe that she fell in love with him, I trusted her. We had an agreement.

As painful as this is, I still love her and I hope we can work this out. At first I wanted a divorce. But now I am willing to fight to win her back, even though I'm not sure she's worth fighting for. She cheated on me! Maybe I should just end all of this now and get a divorce.
 
Most betrayed spouses I have counseled are blindsided by the affair. They trusted their spouse and their spouse betrayed that trust. Their feelings swing from wanting a divorce and ending all the misery to wanting to save the marriage at all costs.
 
The emotional impact of an affair on a betrayed spouse is incredibly powerful. Many cannot sleep for days and experience the worst depression of their lives. At the same time, they are on the verge of angry outbursts, losing their temper whenever they get on the subject of the affair. Their anxiety is also out of control as they panic over where this affair will lead. They see no hope of recovery, their lives totally ruined. 

The betrayed spouse feels pushed into a pit, crying out for help, The wayward spouse comes to the edge of the pit but instead of tossing a rope, hurls stones. Emotionally torn to pieces, the betrayed spouse can't imagine ever trusting anyone else again, least of all the wayward spouse. 

Greg's Side of the Story

There is one other person who is an important part of this drama - the lover. He has a very different perspective on the affair than either Sue or Jon, This is what Greg told me about his affair with Sue.
 
My friendship with Sue began very innocently. We worked together on a lake restoration project, and that gave us a chance to get to know each other. I was very attracted to her from the first time I laid eyes on her but I knew she was married and I don't believe in interfering with someone else's marriage. So I was very careful not to make any moves that she would interpret as inappropriate.

But as we talked about our personal lives, I about my ex-wife and she about her marriage to ]on, we found many similarities. My ex-wife had ignored me for years and had pursued a career that may have satisfied her, but it sure didn't take me or our kids into account. One day she announced that she was leaving me because she was no longer tn love. In the end, she not only left me, but left the kids as well. Now that I look back on my marriage, I'm glad she left because I don't think she ever was in love with me. Get Your Wife Back Another Man
 
Sue's husband had not left her but he may as well have left. He spent very little time with her or the children. All he did was pay the bills. Sue craved attention, and I was willing to give her that attention because I was her friend. I was willing to do the things for her that her husband should have been doing. I helped her with her children, I was there to talk to her whenever she needed to talk, and as our relationship developed, I was able to give her the love and affection that she had been missing in her marriage. I gave her the very things that I had missed in my marriage. And Sue was very grateful.
 
Our friendship is very real and very right. We are two friends who support each other through good times and bad times. We do for each other what a husband and wife should do - we care for each other.
 
I don't believe that I am the cause of Sue's marriage breaking up. I think Jon is fully to blame for that. She would be making a big mistake not to leave him because, after the dust settles, he'll go right back to working aIl the time and leaving her home alone.
 

Sue and I were meant to be together, and I will wait patiently for Sue's divorce. She is not certain what she wants just yet, but I know she loves me and eventually we will be together.
 
It would be easy to see Greg as the villain in this tragic story. After all, he was the one who pursued a married woman with children. And yet his motives were not entirely selfish. Greg helped Sue as one friend would help another. In fact he did such a good job helping her that she fell in love with him. As the relationship deepened, he became aware of her loveless marriage. After all, that's how Sue described her marriage to Jon - loveless. So, as a friend, he tried to help her with this problem. Greg's own divorce had led him to believe that people sometimes make bad choices when they marry. He saw his divorce as inevitable. So it made sense to conclude that Sue's marriage was also the result of poor judgment. Sue and Jon were simply wrong for each other, and the sooner Sue left her marriage, the happier she would be.
 
Jon, Sue, and Greg were surprised by what had happened. But if they had understood how vulnerable people are and how easy it is to fall in love with a good friend of the opposite sex, they all would have predicted Sue and Greg's affair. 

We'll continue our story in the next post. At the mean time, to find out more, you can check out Get Your Wife Back Another Man.
 

How To Fall Back In love With Wife - After She Had Cheated On You

How To Fall Back In love With Wife

In their eight years of marriage, neither Jon nor Sue ever thought they would be the victims of infidelity until it actually happened. They had friends who had been unfaithful to a spouse, but Sue and Jon felt they could never betray each other's trust that way and they believed their moral standards set them apart from those who yield to the temptation of an affair.
 
Spouses who have not experienced an affair first hand are usually very trusting. They don't believe that infidelity could ever infect their marriage. I often hear, "My spouse could never be unfaithful - she has my utmost trust," and "He has such strong moral convictions that an affair is unthinkable."
 
When a spouse has an affair, it usually comes as a complete surprise even to him or her. That person often reports, "I had always regarded those who had affairs as selfish, misguided fools with no discipline whatsoever. I could not have imagined having an affair myself." 

But infidelity is something that doesn't just happen on afternoon soaps. It happens in most marriages. MOST marriages, you may ask? Yes, unfortunately, most marriages. How To Fall Back In love With Wife

As common as an affair is in marriage, it is always devastating to almost everyone involved. It's one of the most painful experiences that the betrayed spouse will ever be forced to endure, and it is traumatic for the children. Friends and members of the extended family usually suffer as well. But what most people don't realize is that the wayward spouse and the lover are also hurt by the experience. They almost always suffer from acute depression, often with thoughts of suicide. With all of the sadness and suffering, why do so many people have an affair?
 
The answer is that, for the moment, it seems to be the right thing to do. Men and women are easily carried away by their emotions, making the worst mistakes of their lives.
 
One would think that at least the people with strong religious convictions and moral commitments would have special protection from extramarital affairs. Yet I have counseled hundreds of people with these convictions who were not able to resist unfaithfulness. Just observing the many religious leaders who have succumbed to the temptation of infidelity proves to me that under certain conditions infidelity is irresistible.
 
The truth is that infidelity doesn't necessarily develop out of a bankrupt system of moral values. Instead, personal values change to accommodate the affair. What had been inconceivable prior to an affair can actually seem reasonable and even morally right after an affair. Many people who have always believed in being faithful in marriage find that their values do not protect them when they are faced with the temptation of an affair.
 
It became clear to me early in my counseling experience that affairs were much more common than I had ever imagined. But now, after years of marriage counseling, I have come to realize that almost everyone, given the right conditions, would have an affair. How To Fall Back In love With Wife
 
Sue's Side of the Story 

I never thought I would be unfaithful to Jon. I had always looked at people who had affairs as moral weaklings. But my view has changed. Now I understand how important it is to be with the one you love, even if your friends and family don't approve. And I have a new appreciation for others who have affairs.
 
I broke my vow of fidelity and feel very guilty about it. Jon wants to work things out and get our marriage back on track, but I would rather die than leave Greg. I now believe my marriage to Jon was a mistake because I did not understand what love really is. I never would have married Jon if I had known Greg first. We will be soul mates for the rest of out lives.
 
I feel guilty and ashamed of what I have done, and even what I am thinking, but nevertheless my feelings for Greg are powerful and undeniable. I have tried to forget about him but I can't do it. Greg rekindled feelings in me that have been dormant for a long time. l find myself thinking about him often and wish I could always be with him.
 
Jon is a good man and doesn't deserve what I've done to him. I know he loves me. But l cannot remain married to a man l don't love, even though a divorce would probably be hard on our children. If l were to lose Greg, I would lose my soul and my spirit. He has become a part of me, a part I cannot abandon or ignore. Even if I never see Greg again, he will be in my heart for the rest of my life.
 
Most unfaithful spouses see an affair as enlightenment. They did not know what they were missing until the affair revealed it to them. In many cases a spouse is feeling depressed and unfulfilled, and the affair changes that. What had been missing in his or her life is found, and it's a wonderful relief. What years of therapy can't achieve is instantly accomplished whenever the lover is present - happiness and fulfillment.
 

But in some cases, prior to an affair, a spouse is not depressed. Sue, for example, was content with her life. The only sign of her vulnerability was that she no longer felt like making love to her husband. Her passion was gone, leaving a void that Greg willingly filled.
 
Sue did not develop a friendship with Greg because she wanted him as her lover. She simply needed a friend. And she never intended for their friendship to develop into an affair. She trusted herself to be faithful to Jon. But Greg did such a good job caring for her, that he met her important emotional needs, and she fell in love with him.
 
What made Sue's relationship with Greg seem so right was that it was unplanned. It just "happened." That's why Sue felt that Greg was meant to be her lover, because she had not done anything to encourage it. They simply found each other and when they did, they each thought they had found their soul mate.

Next post, I'll talk about how Joe feels. At mean time, you can check out How To Fall Back In love With Wife.

How To Get A Boyfriend Back After Cheating - Never Happen To Me

How To Get A Boyfriend Back After Cheating

Jon and Sue were about to celebrate their eighth anniversary and had good reason to celebrate. They had two healthy daughters and a beautiful home and Jon had just been promoted to a new position that increased his salary by almost 50 percent. That extra income allowed Sue to cut back on her hours at work so that she could spend more time with their children.
 

Sue was content with her life. She enjoyed the comfortable home and other luxuries that Jon's income was able to provide. She worked as a part-time special education teacher, allowing her time to do what she loved most - raising her children. But when it came to her relationship with Jon, the romance was gone. Sometimes she daydreamed about the times they had spent talking to each other, showing their affection for each other, and making love with passion and excitement. But with his new job, there was no time for that. Besides, Sue's life was enjoyable in so many other ways that she thought she could overlook the loss of Jon's companionship.
 
Jon was also content. He loved his wife and children and was proud of the quality of life he was able to provide them. His new job was enjoyable and challenging, although it required most of his time. He wanted to spend more time with Sue and his children but he and Sue had both agreed that their time to be together would come after he was more established in his career. How To Get A Boyfriend Back After Cheating

Jon was an achiever, and Sue loved that trait in a man. In fact she had married him partly because she knew he was ambitious and would provide well for her and their children. She had encouraged him to accept the responsibilities that led to his advancement. Sue wanted Jon to reach his highest potential but she didn't understand that the time he spent away from her prevented him from reaching his potential as her husband.
 
On the evening of their anniversary celebration, Sue and Jon exchanged cards and gifts that expressed their love for each other. Then they went to dinner at their favorite restaurant, where Jon had asked Sue to marry him.
 
But something wasn't right. Sue felt uncomfortable talking to Jon. Their conversation about their children, his work, her work, and even about their plans for the future all seemed contrived and forced. She felt so distant from Jon that it was as if she hardly knew him.
 
When they returned home, Jon expected to end the evening making love to Sue, but to his astonishment, she was not interested. Jon and Sue had agreed from the beginning of their marriage that sex was never to be a ritual. It was to be an expression of their true feelings, something they did when they both felt a sexual passion for each other. But though Sue and Jon had been out together on their anniversary, Sue still felt lonely and certainly not passionate. When she told Jon she wasn't interested in sex, he went to sleep very disappointed.
 
The next day Sue felt guilty about the way their anniversary had ended and called her husband three times to tell him how bad she felt. She blamed it all on having been in a bad mood that week and tried to assure Jon that it wasn't anything he had done to upset her. But she was at a loss to know what was causing the problem or what to do about it. The passion was simply gone.
 
So instead of admitting her lack of feeling for ]on, Sue made love to him the next night, even though she did it because of guilt, not passion. What's worse, she pretended to enjoy the experience as much as she had in the past. She decided that it was unrealistic to have sex with Ion only when she felt passionate.
 
Sue didn't tell Jon how she now felt about sex. So he assumed that whatever was bothering her on their anniversary had ended and everything was back to normal again. In fact after their anniversary Sue saw to it that they made love more often than before, which made Jon very happy. How To Get A Boyfriend Back After Cheating

Sue, though, began to feel restless and bored with her life. When a friend suggested that she volunteer for the Lake Restoration Committee, she jumped at the opportunity. Sue and Jon were both concerned about the way development was affecting the quality of the lake that bordered their community. The committee met monthly and Sue enjoyed being part of a group that was doing such important work. She became friends with several of the committee members and developed a particularly good friendship with Greg.
 
It was so easy for Sue to talk with Greg at the meetings. They usually sat together and he was always very friendly and cheerful. He listened attentively to her ideas, rarely interrupted her, and discussed issues with her in a respectful and supportive way. In fact, he usually came to her defense when others disagreed with her opinions.
 
Between meetings Greg often called Sue at home to discuss committee business, and once in a while they would meet for lunch. The more she got to know Greg, the more she looked forward to his calls and their lunch dates.
 
Greg had been divorced for three years and had custody of his two boys who were five and seven, close to the ages of Sue's children. Sue admired him for the good job he did caring for his children without the help of a wife. But she also felt sorry for him bearing all of the burden himself, so she offered to help him care for his boys if he was ever stuck.
 
At first, Sue told Jon about her friendship with Greg. When she had lunch with Greg or watched his children in an emergency, Jon knew about it. Jon had lunch with women from work once in a while, so he could not see a problem with Sue having lunch with a man. Besides, he trusted Sue. He believed that she would never be unfaithful to him. And Sue would never have imagined that she could be unfaithful to Jon.
 

But as Sue's friendship with Greg deepened, she became increasingly secretive about it. She knew that if she were completely honest about how much time she was spending with Greg, Jon would become alarmed and encourage her to put a stop to it. She told herself she had a fight to a friendship with a man, and that she could handle it. Besides, Jon didn't usually ask her what she did during the day, so she seldom had to lie. She simply didn't talk about her growing secret life.
 
Within a few months of Sue and Jon's anniversary dinner, Greg had become more than just a friend to Sue. She had fallen in love with him, and Greg was in love with her. Sue could not remember ever feeling so attracted to a man, not even to Jon. Greg made her feel beautiful, interesting, desirable, and alive.
 
The secret life, however, could not remain a secret forever. It came crashing into the open when Jon decided to surprise Sue by returning home two days early from one of his many business trips. It was late, and the children were asleep. He quietly entered the house and went to his bedroom with flowers and candy in his arms. There he found Sue - and Greg! Greg grabbed his clothes and ran out of the house, leaving Sue alone to try to explain what had happened. To find out how to repair the relationship, you can check out How To Get A Boyfriend Back After Cheating.