Turning Your Problems into Goals You Accomplish Together
In Step 1, you agreed to stop fighting and you put all your differences, disagreements, conflicts, and unresolved problems on a piece of paper and put it away. Then in Step 7, you put those same issues onto your partnering table rather than between you. You revisited your prior list and reflected on which issues still seemed to be problematic or unresolved. Then you came together and made a master list of everything on your table. You listened carefully to each other's concerns and desires as you combined your lists.
Now it is time to take out that master list of things you still need to change and turn former problems into mutual goals. In this step you will practice the mutual goal setting that will focus your efforts as you apply Steps 9 and 10.
Each goal you state together will become a target toward which you aim your joint efforts. These joint efforts will help you find mutually satisfying, creative, win/win solutions - together.
You will aim explore some Relighting Romance Dreams and put those back on your partnering table to envision and work toward. As you continue to partner and become masters of achieving your goals in the years to come, you will have fewer daily details that need to be smoothed out and more Relighting Romance Dreams on your goal list.
There are many tines in life when we have a desire and we talk ourselves out of it:
- "Oh, I'll never find the time."
- "I could never do that!"
- "Other people are able to do it, not me."
- "I don't have the money or the resources or the support or the ____."
- "We'll never resolve that issue or problem."
Take a moment and read the paragraph below. Then close your eyes and visualize the scenario it describes.
You are walking contentedly along a path. Off in the distance is a beautiful mountain peak surrounded by a sunny glow. Imagine that this peak is your greatest vision of what your life could become. Then as you walk step by step along your path, you suddenly come across a deep chasm, so deep it almost frightens you. Let's call this chasm "fear" or "obstacle" or "self-doubt" or "lack of deserving" or "too busy" or "too little money" or anything else that comes to your mind.
Know in your heart-of-hearts that here you are in danger of forgetting. You could forget that you have set your sight on the mountain peak, and this is simply a chasm. It is simply an obstacle. It needn't stop you. What you truly seek is ahead.
Now is the time to become creative in your visualization. Don't allow your fears and doubts to take center stage. Maybe you can build a bridge or fly an airplane across the divide or ride a donkey around it. Or perhaps some other idea may come to you.
Then breathe quietly as you reflect on how you sometimes forget that your dreams are at the top of the mountain peak and that the abyss is merely an obstacle to be gone around. Be like water and move around the problem, the obstacle, or the impediment. Don't let it stop you from moving step-by-step toward your dreams. Things Say Your Girlfriend Get Her Back
Put Your Doubts Aside
Doubts are simply obstacles. For example, a potential obstacle to a short-term daily detail might be your disbelief that your husband would ever agree to cook twice a week or plan an entire date night for the two of you - including hiring the babysitter - so you dismiss your desire without writing it on your list.
Your Relighting Romance Dream may be traveling to China at the end of next year, but you have no idea if your partner would like to go, how you will pay for it, or how to navigate this foreign country and language. However, if you put this goal on your list, it becomes a target toward which you will be pulled - you'll become aware of action items you can carry out to prepare yourself for such a trip. You will talk about your desire with your partner.
Both of you may start to explore the local Chinese markets, buy maps and travel books about China, create a savings account for your trip, talk to travel agents or explore online, and so on. Before you know it, what once seemed an impossibility might be a reality!
In the following exercises you will turn your problems or issue, your dreams and desires into realistic, practical goals. You will start by setting goals you can accomplish within a three-to-twelve-month period. This is the beginning of a lifetime process if you are Relighting Romance Parmers. In the final steps of this program, you will learn additional tools to turn your conflicts into creative solutions and help you reach for your dreams together.
Relighting Romance Partners schedule time to revisit their goals, give progress reports, or brainstorm and problem solve together. Whenever a goal is accomplished, couples celebrate and cross it off their list and then add a new one. Other couples revisit their goals together on an annual basis, for example, near the New Year or a wedding anniversary. So have you plan your goals out? Check out Things Say Your Girlfriend Get Her Back right away!
