This blog post will be an exercise each of you will privately spend time writing your lists of Individual, Couple, and, if applicable, Family goals in your notebook. These goals are the things you wish for and want to accomplish in the coming year. As you work through the exercises, do not share your goals until instructed to.
This first articulation of your goals is just for you. These lists may take you a few sittings to complete, so work on them a few hours at a time and then return to add additional thoughts after you have had time to reflect.
A good suggestion is to remember to write your goals in positive terms: Say what you want instead of what is wrong. For example, instead of saying, "I want us to stop fighting and arguing every night when we get home from work," you might say, "I'd like our evenings to be peaceful, I'd like some time to decompress and play with the kids when I get home. I'd like to reconnect with Sarah and I'd like to find out how she feels about meal preparation and putting the kids to bed, so we can work together to have a nice home life." Can Couples Get Back Together After A Break
Another suggestion is to start with your global intention or desire and then become more specific. For example, you may state your global intention as a desire to be healthy. Then you would expand your intention into a goal: "My goal is to continue to be healthy by remaining active, eating more healthy foods, getting back into exercise, and losing some weight."
Becoming more specific, you would flesh out action items and a timetable for accomplishing your goal by saying, "Starting in February, I will go back to the gym three times each week. I'll work out a schedule with Pam so I can come home an hour later on those days, and I'll offer to trade other times so she can also workout while I watch the kids. I'd like to lose ten pound in the next six months and I know Pam would, too. I'd like to work out a shopping/meal plan with her that will help us both to reach this goal if she's willing,"
For some intentions, you may not be able to write a specific goal at first. In addition, for some stated goals you may not know any action steps you might take today. Put them on your list of desires anyway. Over time you will add to your list on a regular basis - expanding your goals and accomplishing action items.
Your Individual Goals are what you'd like to accomplish personally this year; These goals may involve your work, your health, etc. Then, think about how you want your relationship to be one year from now. These are Couple Goals. Finally, what do you desire for your entire family? If you have children, these are your Family Goals. (This might include vacations and activities together, spending time learning something new as a family, and so on.) Can Couples Get Back Together After A Break
To help you write these one-year goals, think about the goals you'd like to set in every area of your life:
- Your partnership
- Parenting
- Extended family
- Friendships
- Social life and activities
- Work life
- Spiritual life
- Creative pursuits
- Physical health, exercise
- Sex life
- Finances and investments - short term and long term
- Everyday household upkeep and maintenance
- Household projects, renovation, or remodeling
- Intellectual or learning activities
- Fun and leisure
- Travel
- Other
Then start to write about what you need or want, fleshing out each of the categories on your list. include
- things you already do and want to continue ("I like how we are parenting. I want to continue being a good father.");
- things you wish to resolve or change between you ("I want to improve our sex life and become more affectionate once again,");
- things you want to add or create ("We've never talked about our future dreams for twenty years from now. We need to start planning for retirement. I want to figure out a way to dream and make it financially feasible together," Or, "We need more couple time. I'd like us to have three short vacations this year, without the kids,").
Some people write a few paragraphs describing their overall goals or what they project their lives will feel and look like in one year. Others make lists. Can Couples Get Back Together After A Break
Be sure to include all the little and big things that you desire to manifest in the coming year. You may wish to group these into short-term goals (one to three months) and longer-term goals (four to twelve months), For example,
- "I want a weekend vacation, alone with my husband, without the kids, next summer. We need some time on our own."
- "I want to start looking for a new job in six months, once I have learned what I set out to learn at this company. I need to talk to my partner about this."
- "I want us to continue practicing being more emotionally mature. I want us to continue becoming better communicators. I want us to feel more connected to each other by this time next year."
- "I want us to find a way to resolve disagreements about the children's bedtime and discipline, I'd rather spend our evenings relaxing and talking together."
- "I want to continue sticking to my budget and even have money saved by the end of the year. I would feel proud of myself if I accomplished that. It would contribute to our partnership."
- "I want to resolve our lack of sexual intimacy. We seem to be going through the motions these days."
- "This summer I want more time to golf or fish."
- "I want to feel closer to God. I'd like to talk more about our spiritual life."
- "I want to spend more time with my parents now that they are getting older and less active. I'm not sure how to balance this with my family, but I'd like my partner to support me in this."
During the coming year, my vision is to develop a better balance between personal, family, and work time. I am committed to experimenting with a few options toward accomplishing that goal. One is to go in to the office one hour earlier three days a week, close my door for that hour, and use that quiet time to get through my paperwork. This will enable me to leave work earlier and spend more time on the things that I enjoy, including being with my partner and my family. I also plan on delegating more of the detail work to my assistant and will set up one meeting with her each week to accomplish this. In order to ensure that I keep more reasonable hours, I will let my staff know I am leaving early some nights, and I will ask my wife to join me downtown for a dinner date one night each week.
Now you try it. If you need more information, you can check out Can Couples Get Back Together After A Break.
