How To Make Relationship Stronger - Family And In-Laws

How To Make Relationship Stronger

When you commit to another person, you also enter to relationships with their relatives. It doesn't matter if you're dating, engaged, married, straight, or gay - almost everyone has a family somewhere, and these people will now be a major part of your life, whether you like it or not.

Whenever I think of in-laws, I'm always reminded of the movie Meet the Parents, which my wife and I love. Now I'm sure that you won't have to encounter any of the fiascos that happen to the main character as he gets to know his future wife's parents, but your "second family" will have their own idiosyncrasies and issues that you'll have to deal with.

I've been really lucky in this department - I get along really well with my wife's parents, and we've had some great times together. I hope you enjoy the same camaraderie with your own relatives; if you don't, you're going to need a good strategy to survive.

Let's take a look at some of the more common family problems that can greatly affect your relationship, as well as some solutions that can work to defuse tense situations. How To Make Relationship Stronger

Problem # 1: Your In-Laws Interfere in Your Relationship 

You should make every effort to treat your partner's parents and other family members with respect, but if they love to meddle in your affairs, you may feel as if your brain is swimming from all their unwanted advice. They tell you how to raise your children, where to live, what house to buy, when to take vacations, and so forth. Even if you remind yourself that they mean well, how can you handle their constant butting in?

Solution # 1 

You and your partner must ultimately be in charge of your relationship and strive to make decisions independently. This, however, can often be easier said than done.

One of the things I get asked most is: "How do I get my partner to stop listening to their parents all the time?" So many adults will do exactly what Morn or Dad tells them to do because they're afraid to stand up to them, or they feel guilty about opposing them.

If this is the case in your relationship, be prepared for a long and bloody battle. On some level, the parents may be angry that they gave up their son or daughter to you. Of course this isn't your fault, but parents always want to be number one. And when they perceive a threat to displace them, sparks can fly.

I propose the following plan of action when dealing with meddling in-laws: 

Step 1: Tell them that you're not trying to replace them in the eyes of your partner. This may relieve some of the tension.

Step 2: Communicate to your partner that the two of you are now a team and must make all major life decisions on your own. Be open to accepting occasional advice and even criticism from the in-laws, but demand that your partner consult you and respect your wishes more than their parents'.

Step 3: Once in a while, accept your in-laws' advice and go with it. This will make them feel more important and valued and will enhance your relationship with them.

Step 4: Don't make the mistake early on of giving your partner the ultimatum of "it's them or me!" You may soon find out that blood is thicker than water as you're unceremoniously dumped. Later on, when your relationship is solid and serious, you'll have enough clout and leverage to insist that you're now number one for your partner. How To Make Relationship Stronger

Problem #2: Your In-Laws Don't Like You 

You may have little control over this one. Your inlaws could dislike you for a number of crazy reasons, none of which may have anything to do with your personality or character. Although fathers can be just as guilty in this department, the usual culprits here are the mothers. So let's say that your partner's mother is upset that you're in the picture. She tries to minimize your importance by shutting you out of family functions, mocking your wishes, or one-upping you in the domestic department (cooking, shopping, gift buying, and so forth). And when you turn to your partner for moral support, you find that he or she is so scared of her that no action is taken.
What can you do?

Solution #2 

First of all, you must decide early on that you'll do anything within reason to have a good relationship with your in-laws. Smile a lot, don't make any major waves, go to family functions, and try not to stick out too much. Arguing with them won't help your situation and may turn them against you even more. Having said that, they shouldn't be allowed to treat you poorly.

If your in-laws are openly hostile toward you, try asking them if you've done anything to offend them. This tactic may work, but you may also be met with: "No, there's no problem. We like you a lot" - followed by no change in their behavior.

If they continue to treat you unkindly, then it's time to sit down with your partner and ask for help. If they refuse, then you need to question their level of commitment to you (as well as their ability to separate from their family).

Finally, and I hate to say this at the risk of sounding trite, just live your life. Do things that you enjoy and make sound decisions based on your own intuition. If your in-laws don't like it, well, too bad. Maybe someday they'll come around and appreciate you, or maybe they won't - but basing your self-esteem around what they think will do you no good. Get your support from others who will truly back you without judgment and criticism. To learn more, you can check out How To Make Relationship Stronger.

How To Make A Marriage Happy - Separation Between Work And Home

How To Make A Marriage Happy

Problem #3: There's No Line of Separation Between Work and Home 

We all know workaholics ... but, to be honest, I'm not one of them. I'm often asked how I leave my patients' problems at the office; in fact, my wife and friends have commented that I generally don't talk about my work at all when I'm at home. Do I have some magical ability that allows me to compartmentalize areas of my life so neatly? Well, no ... but I do know a few tricks that I'll share with you.

Solution #3 

One of the keys to keeping things in your relationship in perspective is the ability to set boundaries on the job and at home. This means that you can't give in to your boss every time you're asked to stay late, causing you to miss quality time with your partner; but on the flip side, you also can't blow off work or show up late because your partner wants you to. Here's a statement that will work in both situations: "No, I need to attend to other things that are also important right now."

Your success in this area will ultimately be based on flexibility. You and your partner must always allow room for ~ negotiation - there may be times when you have to work long hours on a big project and put your relationship on the back burner for a while; other times you may need a longoverdue vacation, a sick day or a personal day to hang out with your partner. This is all part of the balancing act. How To Make A Marriage Happy

In addition, you should make a distinct separation between work and home. For example, on my drive to and from work, I play some relaxing music. I don't spend this time on my cell phone tieing up loose ends or returning messages - I do all that before I ever walk out of my office. I try very hard to finish my work before I leave for the day, even if this means that I stay for a few extra minutes. This is great for my marriage, because once I walk in the door to my house, I'm "home." This way, I'm able to create two distinct halves in my day ... and I get some time to myself as well.

Here are some other techniques that work to separate work from home:

• Run some errands after work to get your mind on other tasks.
• Exercise - it clears your head and works off excess energy and frustration.
• Schedule a class or hobby right after your workday so that you're focused on something you enjoy when you walk in the door to your home.
• If you work at home, make sure that you've set aside a specific room just for work. If you're not working, then don't go in there! And remember, when you're done for the day, leave your home for a while - go for a walk or run some errands, but do something to buffer your work and home time.

One more thing: Do not, and I repeat, do not, attempt to solve your relationship problems while you're at work. If I had a dime for every time I had to listen to a co-worker argue with their partner on the phone, I'd be a very rich man. There seems to be no limit to the sordid tales I've heard - stories of cheating and lying, sexual improprieties, and a variety of other intimate problems. What's funny is that nothing ever seems to get resolved this way, since after a heated exchange the phone usually gets slammed down in a fit of anger. Relationship issues need to be addressed face-to-face, not over the phone at work! In addition, stop sharing details about your relationship with your co-workers - this is something that I guarantee you'll regret.

The lesson here is this: When you're at work, focus on work. Conversely, when you get home, try to avoid extensive conversations about the stressful day you had.

Problem #4: Your Partner Doesn't Spend Enough Time with You 

One of the most common complaints that women have about men is that they don't spend enough time working on the relationship. Women have had this issue with men for as long as relationships have been around, and it probably won't change anytime soon.

I included this problem because many people use work as an excuse to stay away from home. In order to avoid chores, kids, or their partners, some people will "stay late at the office" or "meet with clients" during the evenings. I knew a guy who worked on a "big project" night after night, when in reality he was out drinking with his friends and ignoring his family. If this describes your partner, what can you do?

Solution #4 

First determine how much time you require with your partner without any outside interruptions. If you feel neglected, speak up so your partner knows there's a problem. You can say something like, "I really want to be around you more. How can we work together so we can have more alone time?" Then offer to make some concessions and expect the same in return.

For example, offer to meet your partner at their workplace occasionally for lunch or dinner. Look into some hobbles and activities that you'll both enjoy. Try to plan at least one "date night" every week - I truly believe that this is one of the most important things you can do for your relationship, since you'll get to reconnect on a regular basis. Before you know it, you'll have all the quality time you need with your partner! How To Make A Marriage Happy

Problem #5: Your Partner Can't or Won't Work 

Some people can't work due to a disability, so their partner may need to provide all the financial support. Many relationships thrive under these conditions, though, because both people contribute to the relationship in some way.

But what happens if your partner decides that they don't want to work anymore? Perhaps they're pregnant, taking time off to regroup, or going back to school to change careers - all of which could actually strengthen your relationship in the long run. However, if your partner's unemployment is due to less noble reasons (they'd rather kick back, they can't hold a job, or they've simply become dependent on you for financial support), then it will ultimately cause a huge strain in the relationship. 

Solution #5 

The decision you make will be based on how much you're willing to stand. If everything's crumbling around you and you're on the verge of bankruptcy, then it seems obvious that you wouldn't be able to tolerate your partner's refusal to work. If your financial situation is stable, but your partner seems content living off what you make, then you need to determine whether this is acceptable to you. If it isn't, then it's up to you to tell them how you feel.
Hopefully, you'll make some headway and your partner will realize how important it is for them to pull their own weight.

Unfortunately, you can't force someone to be productive in the world. I had to learn this the hard way. My intense drive to work on ten different things at once is difficult to match, so I needed to learn to back off from pressuring my wife, and give her a chance to do her own thing. However, if we were really in a bad way financially and Betsy adamantly refused to do anything to help, I'd probably be really disappointed and question her commitment to our relationship.

It may be useful to pretend you're on a seesaw, trying to balance your career and your relationship. If you do find that perfect equilibrium, your self-esteem and your relationship will flourish. To learn more, you can check out How To Make A Marriage Happy.

Marriage How To Make It Work - Careers And Time Management

Marriage How To Make It Work

I recently met up with a good friend who seemed fired and frustrated. His life had taken a dramatic turn because he'd gotten married, started a new job, and become the proud father of twin girls ... all in the span of a single year. As you might imagine, his daily routine had been greatly affected as he tried to balance the demands of his home life with the responsibility of being the family's breadwinner. The pressure was building, his work was suffering, and he and his wife were starting to snap at each other.

As we talked, I was reminded of the first truth about careers and relationships: It's almost impossible to compartmentalize work stress and relationship stress, since trouble at home can mean trouble with your work, and vice versa. 

Luckily, my friend and his wife didn't want their marriage to buckle under the strain, so they decided to have a discussion about the difficulties of balancing work and a relationship. I hope that this post will help you and your significant other do the same. (Also note that I've included time-management issues here, since it's nearly impossible to separate out time spent in a relationship without considering time spent on the job.) 

So let's define some problems that can be overcome in order to bring your relationship and career into perfect harmony. Marriage How To Make It Work

Problem # 1: Your Partner Doesn't Understand Your Career Goals 

It's pretty rare for two people to have the same exact career goals. Even a couple who works together in the same field and sees each other during the day may have two very different agendas. Here are some of the permutations of mismatched career goals:

• Partner A is highly motivated at work, while Partner B stays at home.
• Partner A works at a certain pace, but Partner B thinks they should push harder.
• Partner A is willing to relocate for their job, but Partner B isn't.
• Partner A likes to put in long hours and save money, while Partner B likes to spend money and have fun.
• Both partners work hard yet have completely different career aspirations.

Any of the above situations has the power to end a relationship quickly, but this can be avoided if the couple is willing to work together to remedy their situation.

Solution #1 

There's one surefire way to improve your odds here. Early in the relationship, let your potential partner know what your ambitions truly are. Honestly lay your career goals on the table - that way there won't be any surprises down the road for your partner, and you can also evaluate whether or not you and this person are compatible in terms of life values and goals. Naturally, things will happen in life that you can't foresee - you may lose your job, get transferred, or obtain a promotion that requires longer hours - but at least you'll have a pretty good idea where you stand with your partner if you've had a lengthy discussion before you get serious.

Once you've committed to someone, you need to sit down and begin to compromise (yep, there's that word again) with respect to your careers. You may need to make some concessions, but that's part of dedicating yourself to another person. Ambition is a great quality, but don't allow it to interfere with your life. After all, a job can only make you so happy, while your relationship is what really counts in the long run. Of course, once in a while you may still need to work long hours, miss a party or night out, or have to say no due to your work schedule - but you need to make your relationship the number-one priority and stop shortchanging your partner out of quality time together. Marriage How To Make It Work

Problem #2: You Hate Your Job and Take It Out on Your Partner 

I think that this dynamic is pretty self-explanatory, because hating your job will affect your home life there are no two ways about it. Many arguments begin not because two people are unhappy with each other, but because one of them is fed up with things at work. I've counseled many couples whose lives revolve around how much they hate their jobs, which then spills over into their relationships. Career and relationship become synonymous; therefore, disliking the job comes to symbolize disliking the relationship.

Solution #2 

You need to make the effort to separate frustration at work from what's going on at home. Here's a two-step approach that will work:

Step 1: Direct your anger toward the appropriate people. Of course you'll feel like venting to your significant other, but they're really helpless when it comes to solving your career dilemmas, so it won't help to subject them to endless diatribes about your job. It's your responsibility to be an adult and stand up for yourself at work. And whenever you argue with your partner after a hard day, ask yourself, "Is this really an issue between us, or am I projecting my frustration about work onto my partner?"

Step 2: It's imperative that you at least try to find a career that can satisfy you professionally. I mean, I think it would be awfully arduous to wake up each day absolutely dreading your job. I know it isn't easy, but changing careers could preserve your relationship and your sanity. To learn more, you can check out Marriage How To Make It Work.

Ways To Make A Relationship Better - Sharing Household Chores

Ways To Make A Relationship Better

Agreement # 1: Household Chores Will Be Split Fairly 

The best way to divide up the work is obviously right down the middle. If you determine that there are 20 household jobs that need to accomplished in a week, then it's easy - you do 10 and your partner does the other 10. If you and your partner can agree to such an even split, great ... if not, read on.

Agreement #2: Each List of Jobs Will Be Given Equal Weight 

One person shouldn't have to take on all the difficult chores while the other gets off easy. For instance, if you get to dust the furniture while your partner has to go out and weed the garden, then there's a relative difference in the time and energy each person is expending. You can go about remedying this problem in one of two ways:

1. Divide the chores evenly so that each person has some tough jobs and some that aren't so demanding.
2. Draw up an "easy" list and a "hard" list that are rotated between you and your partner on a daily or weekly basis (depending on the frequency of work needed).

Agreement #3: To Avoid Monotony, Housework Will Be Rotated Between the Two of You 

My wife and I take turns deciding what to have for dinner, and then whoever cooks that night is responsible for cleaning up. We also try to rotate cleaning tasks: one week I scrub the floors and clean the kitchen and bathrooms, while she vacuums and dusts; the next week we reverse the jobs. This seems to work well, as neither of us gets burned out doing the same old chores over and over. Ways To Make A Relationship Better

Agreement #4: You'll Stop Complaining about Housework 

Whining about your tasks certainly won't improve morale in your relationship. A lot of couples start to blame each other when the house is dirty or there's garbage to be dealt with. Accept that you're going to generate some mess. It's a fact of life - even the cleanest person on the planet can't avoid dust, dirt, and germs. So acknowledge that you and your partner both make messes, which you both need to clean up.

Agreement #5: You Won't Procrastinate 

Do you actually think that the garage will clean itself or the lawn will magically get mowed in the middle of the night? Sure, we all have a tendency to put off tasks that aren't fun, but when things pile up for weeks, it becomes that much harder to catch up. That's why I feel that doing one thing at a time is a heck of a lot simpler than trying to do everything at once. After all, "later" doesn't equate to "easier."

Agreement #6: You'll Set Aside a Regular Time for Chores 

A haphazard time schedule will only lead to chores being left undone, so it will work much better if you and your partner set a definite time each day or week to get the job done. If you can make and keep appointments at work, why shouldn't you be able to fit household jobs into a schedule as well? You can even write them in your planner - if someone else sees that you schedule housework they may think that you're a bit strange, but so what? At least you'll rest assured that your home is a clean one!

Agreement #7: When an Emergency Arises, You'll Both Help Out 

I know that this veers off our topic slightly, but things will come up without warning to knock you off your schedule. Maybe you'll have to work long hours one week, or you become ill - either way, your household tasks will get put on the back burner while you deal with more important matters. I certainly hope that your significant other will agree to pitch in and keep things going around the house until everything stabilizes. Ways To Make A Relationship Better

This category also encompasses those situations in which there are more severe challenges in your household. For example, some friends of mine have a child with significant and persistent health problems, which has caused sleepless nights, huge medical bills, and emotional and physical strain on them both. Yet they've survived the ordeal because both of them help out with their child equally and also share the other work involved in daily living. My point here is that if one partner is ill, out of town, disabled, or preoccupied with other family matters, then the other person needs to pick up the slack. If you're not willing to do this for the person you love, then what are you doing in a committed relationship in the first place?

The common theme in all of these agreements is a spirit of generosity and fairness. There are several ways you can show your partner you love them - flowers and candlelit dinners are nice, but more important is doing something each day to make their life a little easier. This is a selfless way of living. If, however, you expect your significant other to spend their life catering to you and cleaning up your messes, then you're simply exhibiting arrogant and inconsiderate behavior.

Helping with the workload is a loving gesture. It may not be as flashy as a new piece of jewelry or a night out on the town, but it's just as important. To learn more, you can check out Ways To Make A Relationship Better.

Tips On Healthy Relationship - Problems With Your Partner

Tips On Healthy Relationship

Problem #2: Your Partner Refuses to Change 

You went through all of the steps correctly yet your partner just keeps on as if you'd never had a conversation about modifying the situation. No matter how much you complain, they continue engaging in their irritating habit.
You're being shown a total lack of respect. It's as if your partner is thumbing their nose at you, saying, "I'm just going to keep on doing it. What are you going to do now?" 

This shifts the matter into another realm - the annoying habit has becomes less important than your partner's lack of respect. If your partner really cared about your feelings, they'd try really hard to please you. Once in a while they might forget and mess up, which is understandable, since giving up their habit may be like losing an old friend.
 
But if they don't put forth any effort at all, this indicates deeper problems with their personality and your relationship in general. Being ignored is hurtful, and living with a partner who does things that disgust you isn't going to work. This is a no-win situation for both of you - the more you complain, the deeper your partner will dig in. It will seem as if your partner is a child who's screaming, "You can't make me do anything! I'll do whatever I want!"

Solution #2 

This behavior will force you to make a decision: Are you resigned to live a life filled with annoyance, or are you willing to end the relationship? You can't regard this as a decision about one little habit - this minimizes the whole issue. It's now a matter of disrespect and concern for your feelings. Tips On Healthy Relationship
 
You must find a way to communicate to your partner that you're both entering a treacherous area in your relationship. They'll probably try to make you feel petty for arguing about something that's "no big deal" and tell you that you're being selfish and bratty. Of course, this is their attempt to derail the conversation and place the blame on you.

Don't fall for it. You must express how unhappy it makes you when you're feeling unsupported and disrespected. If you break up, it won't matter if your partner tells his or her friends that you ended it over something "dumb." You'll know the truth ... and so will they.
 
It's natural for your significant other to occasionally do things that you think are irritating or ridiculous. Your temptation may be to yell and nag and try to win them over to your side (which you feel is the "better" way). But sometimes you're just going to have to accept the fact that even though your partner does things differently, their approach isn't necessarily wrong. Ask yourself whether you're attempting to make your partner do things your way for the sake of your ego. If this is the case, maybe it's time to celebrate the fact that we can all contribute in different ways - maybe their method is actually better. Why not at least give them the opportunity?


Household Chores


When you live with your significant other, it isn't all wine and roses and romance somebody has to clean the toilets and throw out the garbage! 

Do you think that anyone really has fun doing household chores? Maybe there are a few compulsively neat people around who actually enjoy them, but most of us avoid such activities like the plague, while we secretly hope that someone else will do our "dirty work." 

Fantasizing that someone will come along and be your personal maid or butler is all well and good, but reality is going to hit you sooner or later. You're going to have to pitch in and help out with household duties for the following reasons:

1. It's the right thing to do. It's simply not fair to expect your partner to take care of all the undesirable tasks while you get off scot-free.
2. Laziness will only breed resentment on the part of the partner who does all the work.
3. Being an equal in a committed relationship means that you volunteer to do equal amounts of the work.

I hated doing chores as a kid, and I still hate them as an adult. But I love my wife too much to pawn all the grunt work off on her. She didn't get married to become my mother ... which she's reminded me of many times over the years. Tips On Healthy Relationship

I can tell you from personal experience that all kinds of personality flaws will pop up when two people debate the relative amount of housework each one does. That's because we all tend to overestimate the time and energy we spend on tasks we don't enjoy. For example, a friend of mine told me that it takes him a good hour a day to wash the dishes. Since he's only cleaning for two people, I don't think this is humanly possible - I mean, how many plates can he and his wife use?
 
Also, when undesirable work is involved, it seems as if other activities take on an immediate urgency. For example, when there's vacuuming to be done, I'll suddenly remember several errands outside the home I need to run.
 

In fact, one of the lightbulbs in our house has been burned out for months, and I haven't changed it because, well, I was writing a book, I was working at a hospital, I was too tired, I just didn't get to it ... none of which changed the fact that it's been dark in that closet for a long time.
 
You need to develop a system to figure out how to split up work around the house. And you shouldn't automatically assume that the woman will do all the cooking and cleaning. That's old school - you need to stop living in the '50s and enter the 21st century. Successful relationships are made up of two partners who are both willing to help out.
 
Once again, next post's structure deviates slightly from the others in that there are no problems and solutions, just a llst of agreements for you and your partner to make. Hopefully, they'll help make this subject as palatable as possible. To learn more, you can check out Tips On Healthy Relationship.

Ways To Have A Healthy Relationship - Small Bad Habits

Ways To Have A Healthy Relationship

Problem #1 : Your Partner Has a Habit That Really Annoys You 

My wife can't stand it when I get out of the shower without drying off first. I track water on her side of the bathroom, which starts her day off wrong. For some reason, I like to be over by the sink when I towel off; however, I heard this complaint so many times that I gave up, and now (much to my chagrin), I dry myself while standing in the shower stall. I don't like it, but Betsy's much happier at the breakfast table.
 

On the other hand, I absolutely hate it when I get in our car and find the seat jammed up almost into the steering wheel. Betsy apparently likes to drive sitting perfectly upright - I don't see how she has any room, but that's her driving style. So I pointed out that I have trouble actually getting in the car unless the seat is pushed back. I'm sure that she doesn't think it's a big deal; in fact, she once asked me, "Why can't you just push it back yourself?. It only takes a few seconds." I replied, "So then it would only take a few seconds for you to do it for me!" She tries to remember now, so things in that area have improved.
 
Okay, so maybe in the big scheme of things these habits won't lead to divorce. But if my wife and I hadn't both made the conscious decision to change, we'd be walking through our days feeling irritated and angry. This example illustrates that no matter how much you love your partner, one of these days you'll look at your significant other and exclaim in horror, "I can't believe you just did that!" Ways To Have A Healthy Relationship
 
Obviously, I can't tell you what's annoying - it's up to you to define which of your partner's idiosyncrasies are absolutely intolerable. I'm sure that you've already got something in mind - that one particular thing they do that makes your teeth grind. So what do you do - argue over something trivial, or just live with it?
 
Solution #1 

The answer to these questions is a resounding "maybe." At times it may not be worth it to get bent out of shape over your partner's driving habits, their tendency to leave the toothpaste cap off, or their fondness for having the same casserole five nights a week. However, if you just can't take it anymore, then it's time for action. You owe it to yourself to speak up and let it be known that there are a few things you'd like them to "work on." 

Here's a step-by-step action plan to address an annoyilag habit:

Step 1: Tell your partner that there's something you need to talk about, and you hope that they'll just listen without getting offended. Obviously, there's a good chance that your partner will take your constructive criticism the wrong way, especially if the behavior has been going on for years. If your husband has thrown his clothes in a heap on the bedroom floor since he was two, then he'll probably do anything he can to hold on to this pattern. It feels good to him, so why should he give it up easily?
 
You must first specifically define the offending action. This is no time to be vague - the more details the better so there's no confusion. You don't want to have the same conversation a month later after your partner says, "Gee, I thought I could still throw my clothes on the floor, just in a different room." And be sure to give your partner a chance to respond while you listen to their side of the story.
 
Step 2: Tell your partner how their behavior makes you feel and that it's a turnoff. There may still be some resistance, so you might have to pull out the heavy artillery. You have every right to ask, "Why won't you try to change if this is so important to me?" If you really want to use your might, you can go further by asking them, "Do you want me to be totally turned off by you?" A lot of sex lives are ruined because one person doesn't make the effort to look appealing for their significant other. So, if this is impacting your life together, your partner needs to know it. Ways To Have A Healthy Relationship


Step 3: Express that you'll be watching for accountability and will note each time the offending behavior is repeated. I know this sounds as if you're their mother, but consistency will make the difference in eradicating the behavior. If you take a stand but then let your partner slide by without consequences, your entire plan will be ruined.
 

If they slip up, say, "We spoke about this before, so I'd really appreciate it if you could be considerate." Acknowledge how hard it is to modify a chronic pattern - don't get emotional and yell, for objectivity and calmness are still the keys to getting what you want.
 
Step 4: Give lots of praise when the behavior stops, for your partner needs to know that you're pleased and that you appreciate their efforts. Some people might get mad and resume the annoying habit if they get nothing in return, so it's critical to acknowledge the change.
 
During this process, it's also a good idea to ask your partner if there's anything you do that bothers them. They deserve the right to turn the tables on you, so listen to them without judgment! If the process is a give-and-take, then there will be a much greater chance for success. So try to change your own annoying habits as a courtesy, and as a gesture of goodwill. To learn more, you can check out Ways To Have A Healthy Relationship.