I recently met up with a good friend who seemed fired and frustrated. His life had taken a dramatic turn because he'd gotten married, started a new job, and become the proud father of twin girls ... all in the span of a single year. As you might imagine, his daily routine had been greatly affected as he tried to balance the demands of his home life with the responsibility of being the family's breadwinner. The pressure was building, his work was suffering, and he and his wife were starting to snap at each other.
As we talked, I was reminded of the first truth about careers and relationships: It's almost impossible to compartmentalize work stress and relationship stress, since trouble at home can mean trouble with your work, and vice versa.
Luckily, my friend and his wife didn't want their marriage to buckle under the strain, so they decided to have a discussion about the difficulties of balancing work and a relationship. I hope that this post will help you and your significant other do the same. (Also note that I've included time-management issues here, since it's nearly impossible to separate out time spent in a relationship without considering time spent on the job.)
So let's define some problems that can be overcome in order to bring your relationship and career into perfect harmony. Marriage How To Make It Work
Problem # 1: Your Partner Doesn't Understand Your Career Goals
It's pretty rare for two people to have the same exact career goals. Even a couple who works together in the same field and sees each other during the day may have two very different agendas. Here are some of the permutations of mismatched career goals:
- Partner A is highly motivated at work, while Partner B stays at home.
- Partner A works at a certain pace, but Partner B thinks they should push harder.
- Partner A is willing to relocate for their job, but Partner B isn't.
- Partner A likes to put in long hours and save money, while Partner B likes to spend money and have fun.
- Both partners work hard yet have completely different career aspirations.
Solution #1
There's one surefire way to improve your odds here. Early in the relationship, let your potential partner know what your ambitions truly are. Honestly lay your career goals on the table - that way there won't be any surprises down the road for your partner, and you can also evaluate whether or not you and this person are compatible in terms of life values and goals. Naturally, things will happen in life that you can't foresee - you may lose your job, get transferred, or obtain a promotion that requires longer hours - but at least you'll have a pretty good idea where you stand with your partner if you've had a lengthy discussion before you get serious.
Once you've committed to someone, you need to sit down and begin to compromise (yep, there's that word again) with respect to your careers. You may need to make some concessions, but that's part of dedicating yourself to another person. Ambition is a great quality, but don't allow it to interfere with your life. After all, a job can only make you so happy, while your relationship is what really counts in the long run. Of course, once in a while you may still need to work long hours, miss a party or night out, or have to say no due to your work schedule - but you need to make your relationship the number-one priority and stop shortchanging your partner out of quality time together. Marriage How To Make It Work
Problem #2: You Hate Your Job and Take It Out on Your Partner
I think that this dynamic is pretty self-explanatory, because hating your job will affect your home life there are no two ways about it. Many arguments begin not because two people are unhappy with each other, but because one of them is fed up with things at work. I've counseled many couples whose lives revolve around how much they hate their jobs, which then spills over into their relationships. Career and relationship become synonymous; therefore, disliking the job comes to symbolize disliking the relationship.
Solution #2
You need to make the effort to separate frustration at work from what's going on at home. Here's a two-step approach that will work:
Step 1: Direct your anger toward the appropriate people. Of course you'll feel like venting to your significant other, but they're really helpless when it comes to solving your career dilemmas, so it won't help to subject them to endless diatribes about your job. It's your responsibility to be an adult and stand up for yourself at work. And whenever you argue with your partner after a hard day, ask yourself, "Is this really an issue between us, or am I projecting my frustration about work onto my partner?"
Step 2: It's imperative that you at least try to find a career that can satisfy you professionally. I mean, I think it would be awfully arduous to wake up each day absolutely dreading your job. I know it isn't easy, but changing careers could preserve your relationship and your sanity. To learn more, you can check out Marriage How To Make It Work.
