When you commit to another person, you also enter to relationships with their relatives. It doesn't matter if you're dating, engaged, married, straight, or gay - almost everyone has a family somewhere, and these people will now be a major part of your life, whether you like it or not.
Whenever I think of in-laws, I'm always reminded of the movie Meet the Parents, which my wife and I love. Now I'm sure that you won't have to encounter any of the fiascos that happen to the main character as he gets to know his future wife's parents, but your "second family" will have their own idiosyncrasies and issues that you'll have to deal with.
I've been really lucky in this department - I get along really well with my wife's parents, and we've had some great times together. I hope you enjoy the same camaraderie with your own relatives; if you don't, you're going to need a good strategy to survive.
Let's take a look at some of the more common family problems that can greatly affect your relationship, as well as some solutions that can work to defuse tense situations. How To Make Relationship Stronger
Problem # 1: Your In-Laws Interfere in Your Relationship
You should make every effort to treat your partner's parents and other family members with respect, but if they love to meddle in your affairs, you may feel as if your brain is swimming from all their unwanted advice. They tell you how to raise your children, where to live, what house to buy, when to take vacations, and so forth. Even if you remind yourself that they mean well, how can you handle their constant butting in?
Solution # 1
You and your partner must ultimately be in charge of your relationship and strive to make decisions independently. This, however, can often be easier said than done.
One of the things I get asked most is: "How do I get my partner to stop listening to their parents all the time?" So many adults will do exactly what Morn or Dad tells them to do because they're afraid to stand up to them, or they feel guilty about opposing them.
If this is the case in your relationship, be prepared for a long and bloody battle. On some level, the parents may be angry that they gave up their son or daughter to you. Of course this isn't your fault, but parents always want to be number one. And when they perceive a threat to displace them, sparks can fly.
I propose the following plan of action when dealing with meddling in-laws:
Step 1: Tell them that you're not trying to replace them in the eyes of your partner. This may relieve some of the tension.
Step 2: Communicate to your partner that the two of you are now a team and must make all major life decisions on your own. Be open to accepting occasional advice and even criticism from the in-laws, but demand that your partner consult you and respect your wishes more than their parents'.
Step 3: Once in a while, accept your in-laws' advice and go with it. This will make them feel more important and valued and will enhance your relationship with them.
Step 4: Don't make the mistake early on of giving your partner the ultimatum of "it's them or me!" You may soon find out that blood is thicker than water as you're unceremoniously dumped. Later on, when your relationship is solid and serious, you'll have enough clout and leverage to insist that you're now number one for your partner. How To Make Relationship Stronger
Problem #2: Your In-Laws Don't Like You
You may have little control over this one. Your inlaws could dislike you for a number of crazy reasons, none of which may have anything to do with your personality or character. Although fathers can be just as guilty in this department, the usual culprits here are the mothers. So let's say that your partner's mother is upset that you're in the picture. She tries to minimize your importance by shutting you out of family functions, mocking your wishes, or one-upping you in the domestic department (cooking, shopping, gift buying, and so forth). And when you turn to your partner for moral support, you find that he or she is so scared of her that no action is taken.
What can you do?
Solution #2
First of all, you must decide early on that you'll do anything within reason to have a good relationship with your in-laws. Smile a lot, don't make any major waves, go to family functions, and try not to stick out too much. Arguing with them won't help your situation and may turn them against you even more. Having said that, they shouldn't be allowed to treat you poorly.
If your in-laws are openly hostile toward you, try asking them if you've done anything to offend them. This tactic may work, but you may also be met with: "No, there's no problem. We like you a lot" - followed by no change in their behavior.
If they continue to treat you unkindly, then it's time to sit down with your partner and ask for help. If they refuse, then you need to question their level of commitment to you (as well as their ability to separate from their family).
Finally, and I hate to say this at the risk of sounding trite, just live your life. Do things that you enjoy and make sound decisions based on your own intuition. If your in-laws don't like it, well, too bad. Maybe someday they'll come around and appreciate you, or maybe they won't - but basing your self-esteem around what they think will do you no good. Get your support from others who will truly back you without judgment and criticism. To learn more, you can check out How To Make Relationship Stronger.
