Problem #1 : Your Partner Has a Habit That Really Annoys You
My wife can't stand it when I get out of the shower without drying off first. I track water on her side of the bathroom, which starts her day off wrong. For some reason, I like to be over by the sink when I towel off; however, I heard this complaint so many times that I gave up, and now (much to my chagrin), I dry myself while standing in the shower stall. I don't like it, but Betsy's much happier at the breakfast table.
On the other hand, I absolutely hate it when I get in our car and find the seat jammed up almost into the steering wheel. Betsy apparently likes to drive sitting perfectly upright - I don't see how she has any room, but that's her driving style. So I pointed out that I have trouble actually getting in the car unless the seat is pushed back. I'm sure that she doesn't think it's a big deal; in fact, she once asked me, "Why can't you just push it back yourself?. It only takes a few seconds." I replied, "So then it would only take a few seconds for you to do it for me!" She tries to remember now, so things in that area have improved.
Okay, so maybe in the big scheme of things these habits won't lead to divorce. But if my wife and I hadn't both made the conscious decision to change, we'd be walking through our days feeling irritated and angry. This example illustrates that no matter how much you love your partner, one of these days you'll look at your significant other and exclaim in horror, "I can't believe you just did that!" Ways To Have A Healthy Relationship
Obviously, I can't tell you what's annoying - it's up to you to define which of your partner's idiosyncrasies are absolutely intolerable. I'm sure that you've already got something in mind - that one particular thing they do that makes your teeth grind. So what do you do - argue over something trivial, or just live with it?
Solution #1
The answer to these questions is a resounding "maybe." At times it may not be worth it to get bent out of shape over your partner's driving habits, their tendency to leave the toothpaste cap off, or their fondness for having the same casserole five nights a week. However, if you just can't take it anymore, then it's time for action. You owe it to yourself to speak up and let it be known that there are a few things you'd like them to "work on."
Here's a step-by-step action plan to address an annoyilag habit:
Step 1: Tell your partner that there's something you need to talk about, and you hope that they'll just listen without getting offended. Obviously, there's a good chance that your partner will take your constructive criticism the wrong way, especially if the behavior has been going on for years. If your husband has thrown his clothes in a heap on the bedroom floor since he was two, then he'll probably do anything he can to hold on to this pattern. It feels good to him, so why should he give it up easily?
You must first specifically define the offending action. This is no time to be vague - the more details the better so there's no confusion. You don't want to have the same conversation a month later after your partner says, "Gee, I thought I could still throw my clothes on the floor, just in a different room." And be sure to give your partner a chance to respond while you listen to their side of the story.
Step 2: Tell your partner how their behavior makes you feel and that it's a turnoff. There may still be some resistance, so you might have to pull out the heavy artillery. You have every right to ask, "Why won't you try to change if this is so important to me?" If you really want to use your might, you can go further by asking them, "Do you want me to be totally turned off by you?" A lot of sex lives are ruined because one person doesn't make the effort to look appealing for their significant other. So, if this is impacting your life together, your partner needs to know it. Ways To Have A Healthy Relationship
Step 3: Express that you'll be watching for accountability and will note each time the offending behavior is repeated. I know this sounds as if you're their mother, but consistency will make the difference in eradicating the behavior. If you take a stand but then let your partner slide by without consequences, your entire plan will be ruined.
If they slip up, say, "We spoke about this before, so I'd really appreciate it if you could be considerate." Acknowledge how hard it is to modify a chronic pattern - don't get emotional and yell, for objectivity and calmness are still the keys to getting what you want.
Step 4: Give lots of praise when the behavior stops, for your partner needs to know that you're pleased and that you appreciate their efforts. Some people might get mad and resume the annoying habit if they get nothing in return, so it's critical to acknowledge the change.
During this process, it's also a good idea to ask your partner if there's anything you do that bothers them. They deserve the right to turn the tables on you, so listen to them without judgment! If the process is a give-and-take, then there will be a much greater chance for success. So try to change your own annoying habits as a courtesy, and as a gesture of goodwill. To learn more, you can check out Ways To Have A Healthy Relationship.
