Problem #3: Reversal of Fortune
l'm sure you've dreamed that winning the lottery would be the answer to all your financial woes, but it's actually been shown that a good percentage of winners declare bankruptcy within a few years because they have no long-term financial goals.
Similarly, imagine that you or your partner walk into work one day and find out that you're being laid off or fired. This seems devastating and would certainly have an immediate impact on your lives, but if you've done some planning beforehand, it doesn't have to ruin your finances forever.
The lesson here is that you really don't know what life will bring you. Maybe your stocks will hit it big one day (or tank the next); perhaps you'll get an unexpected windfall from a relative's estate; or you could be out of work for several months and have to scrape by just to put food on the table. Each of these situations demands a flexible yet well-prepared response.
So how will you cope with an unexpected change in your finances (either up or down)? Here are some pointers that can save you and your partner a lot of sleepless nights. How To Make Marriage Successful
Solution #3
I believe that the key to staying afloat financially, can be found in two simple words: Plan ahead. I understand that you and your partner won't want to think about suddenly losing your source of income or having to spend your life savings, but in a volatile economy, these things happen more and more. So start planning for that rainy day - believe me, if you wake up one morning to find out that you have nothing left, your relationship will greatly suffer.
Begin the process of talking about money with your partner on a regular basis so that a plan is put into place to save. Here's how to start:
- First, thoroughly break down exactly how much money comes in and goes out of the household on a monthly basis.
- If you find that you have nothing left at the end of the month, then immediately start decreasing your expenditures. If you do have something left over, then decide how much of this will be put away in a savings account, which won't be touched for any reason other than an emergency. This is your "rainy-day fund."
- Finally, both of you need to commit to learning about prudent money management by reading books, meeting with an accountant or financial planner, and/or understanding how different types of accounts work. Educate yourself - it will pay off big-time in your relationship!
Apparently, some people don't believe the old saying "You can't take it with you." I've treated people who literally, hoard all of their money in a closet or under their bed because they're so afraid to part with any of it.
Unfortunately, this pattern usually leads to a miserable life characterized by deprivation and obsessive behavior. It also greatly affects intimate relationships, since most people want to have some fun once in a while. You and your partner deserve to enjoy the fruits of your labors sometimes, even if this means that you need to spend some money on a vacation or a new possession. This doesn't contradict my previous advice - I'm not advocating that you go crazy and blow it all at once. But there's a way to enjoy life and save at the same time. How To Make Marriage Successful
However, you or your partner may become so consumed with money matters that one of you will refuse to spend anything - even on necessities. This is unfortunate, since this attitude will undoubtedly impact your relationship in negative ways. Arguments will ensure about who's spending what and how much, and who's saving the most. Keep this in mind if you're dating someone who refuses to spend any money on you ... this may be what you get (or don't get) for the rest of your life.
So what should you do if you're with someone who constantly obsesses about money issues or who won't spend anything to enhance the relationship? Read on.
Solution #4
You first need to realize that a so-called cheapskate is playing out underlying psychological issues. Usually this dynamic is centered on the belief that holding on to money equals security. Some people find that having a lot of cash gives them a sense of accomplishment and pride.
Many of us also grew up listening to our parents argue about money. This sets up a subconscious need to value money to a fault, coupled with the fear that it will all be taken away at any moment. Consequently, money hounds will attempt to keep it for as long as they can, while protesting that it's for the "good" of the relationship.
Your first step here is to gently tell your partner that there might be other emotional reasons why they have difficulty parting with money. You may be met with the excuse, "I'm just doing it for us," but you should respond that you're unhappy and the relationship is suffering.
Next, offer to sit down and work out a compromise with respect to luxury items such as vacations, cars, nice clothes, leisure activities, and so forth. Tell your partner that you need to have some fun (and nice things) now and again - you both deserve to live a little. I choose the word deserve because some people seem to think that life should all be about work and sacrifice.
Finally, if time goes on and nothing changes, suggest that your partner talk to a therapist. At various points in this blog, I'll suggest therapy if all other options fail, and this is one of those times. You shouldn't have to go through life worrying every second about how much is being spent. After all, an important part of a love relationship is giving, both in emotional and in materialistic ways. To learn more, you can check out How To Make Marriage Successful.
