Problem #5: Boring Sex
No matter how hard we try, sex can sometimes get a bit routine. I've met couples who have sex only at certain times of the day, and only in the same positions. Then they complain that their sex life seems more like work. Of course it does - imagine doing the same task in the same way day after day without any change in routine. It's enough to make you want to abstain completely.
In addition, when people get involved in a committed relationship, they start to live out new "roles" in life. This happens to everyone and can impact your relationship happiness. Now you're not just a fun-loving, sexual creature - you're also a mother, father, boss, employee, and responsible member of the community. These roles, while necessary, invariably change your self-image. Your sexual being can assume less importance, and you'll begin to see yourself as an average person. Once you lose the sense that you're a sensual man or woman, things can start to go downhill fast - you stop wearing sexy underwear and even let yourself go physically. Sex becomes a chore, not an experience filled with romance and spontaneity. A valuable connection with your partner gets lost.
Solution #5
Your sex life will only be as boring as you allow it to be. I challenge you right now to start seeing yourself as a sexual person who has the right to feel love and romance again. I don't care if you think you're ugly or overweight - you can have great sex again if you're willing to take a chance and go for it. How To Improve Communication In A Relationship
Remember that wonderful sex can only come about as a result of a healthy relationship, yet it can also make you feel more connected and strengthen your relationship bond - it's a two-way street. The first thing you need to do is focus on romance outside of the bedroom. This means that you and your partner will have to begin the process of reconnecting in special ways, like when you first began seeing each other. At least once a week, you should go on a "date" (it doesn't count if you take your kids or go along with another couple). The activity needs to be fun - it could be a romantic dinner, a sports event, a trip to the park, or a weekend out of town. This will start the ball rolling to spice up your sex life, even though these activities don't necessarily involve sex.
Next, when you actually get into the bedroom, you should both start spending more time on foreplay. It's easy to hop into bed, have intercourse for a few minutes, and then roll over and go to sleep. But it will be more fun and rewarding to try out some new lingerie or toys, and touch and caress each other before you have sex. Of equal importance is setting the scene for romance, which means that the area should be clean, softly lit by candles or low light, and free of other distractions such as the TV. Massages and baths together are also a great way to get the juices flowing.
Finally, if you just can't think of anything new by yourself, purchase one of the many sex manuals that are on the market, which will tell you in detail how to spark up your sex life. Don't be embarrassed many couples have a hard time with variety. You might also benefit from buying some sexy clothes. You women should realize that men are naturally very visual and like to look at you in provocative outfits.
And while you men like your women to be knockouts, realize that you should put the same care into your own appearance. It's unreasonable to expect that women are going to maintain an attraction if their partners have terrible personal hygiene. So men, understand that women like to feel pretty and don't want to see you in the same pair of dirty underwear night after night. This takes some effort, but the payoff could be tremendous.
Problem #6: "I Have a Headache"
When someone is angry or frustrated in the relationship, it's tempting to withhold sex as a way to punish their partner. It's a way of saying, "If you don't do what I want, then I won't do what you want." Some couples will go for months or even years without sex because they're playing out other issues from the relationship.
If you start getting the old "I have a headache" excuse, then know that there are sexual problems on the horizon. If you're two healthy adults in a loving relationship, you should want to have sex with each other. So, this problem demands a careful analysis and an attempt to find a solution that pleases you both. How To Improve Communication In A Relationship
Solution #6
It won't help to fight about the last time you had sex because you'll start arguing about whether it was two weeks ago last Friday or three Thursdays ago. Nor does it do any good to pick apart the excuses and invalidate your partner's feelings. Saying things like, "So what if you're stressed? I want some sex!" or "You really aren't that tired!" will only lead to an argument in which you both defend your behavior. You certainly won't get to the root of your problem.
The best approach will be one that seeks to understand the aversion to sex. This means that your initial statement to your partner should be, "Is there something else going on that's causing you to turn off to me?" Let them know that you want to hear the truth and are interested in finding a solution. Avoid the tendency to judge or minimize their feelings, even if you don't agree. (Remember, you're trying to get your sex life back on track, so this is no time to go on the offensive.)
Agree to take your partner's concerns into consideration and make the necessary changes. However, you must also make it clear that withholding sex isn't a coping skill that's going to work in your relationship. You have a right to expect that if there is a problem, your partner will verbalize it and not use the tactic of holding your sex life hostage. This is simply unfair to both of you, and it's an immature way to solve problems.
If neither you nor your partner have any desire to have sex again, then it could be a reflection of other more serious personal and psychological issues. As I mentioned earlier, there are medical conditions that can cause a dampening of the sex drive, so you may want to see a health-care professional. It may also be helpful to talk to a counselor and/or sex therapist if things don't improve, since depression and other stressors can dramatically impact normal sexual function.
Sex is one of the most enjoyable aspects of a healthy relationship. As I noted earlier, you deserve to experience intimacy and fulfilling sex with your partner. By putting a premium on romance and sex, your relationship can only get better. To learn more, you can check out How To Improve Communication In A Relationship.
