Argument #3: You Don't Do Anything!
Actually, this encompasses two arguments: "You don't do anything I ask you to do!" and "You do whatever you want without asking me if it's okay!" If I put a tape recorder in a room when you and your partner argue, I bet I'd hear some form of those statements shouted out. It's that common.
It's infuriating to ask someone for help and get nothing but an empty promise in return. How many times have you heard, "I'll get to it," and then your partner never does get to it? You both go around in a cycle of demanding and promising - you demand, your partner promises, they break the promise, and you have to demand again - until you really blow your stack or give up and do it yourself.
And don't think that your partner doesn't know exactly what they're doing. I once had an acquaintance who would "forget" to clean up the house because he knew that after his wife finished complaining, she'd do the chores herself. He didn't care what she said since her threats were meaningless. As he proudly told me, "It goes in one ear and out the other!" Of course, this was just what his mother used to do - yell and then clean up all his messes, while he tuned her out and never had to suffer any consequences. This guy got a new mother in his wife, and his wife (unfortunately) married a child. How To Work On Marriage
Take a moment to think of the infinite number of situations that fall into this category. Here are just a few:
- Your partner never makes you feel special that is, they forget anniversaries and birthdays, they don't compliment you on your appearance or accomplishments, they don't ever surprise you with the occasional gift or card, and so on.
- You have to do the majority of the undesirable work in the relationship, such as cleaning the house, paying the bills, taking care of the kids, doing the cooking, running the errands ... while your partner refuses to help or makes lots of excuses.
- After you ask your partner to perform a specific action, it doesn't get done on a timely basis, if at all.
- Your partner has an agenda and schedule that has nothing to do with you; there's no spirit of teamwork. This category includes a partner who goes out with friends whether you like it or not, a partner who spends money without consulting you, or one who makes plans for leisure activities without your input.
- Your partner is just plain lazy and tries to force you to make all of the major decisions. You're put in the position of keeping the relationship going, while your partner is just "along for the ride."
So if the arguments you tend to have with your significant other fall into this general category, what should you do?
First, you must make a commitment to yourself that you won't let them get away with it any longer! This means that you'll demand that your partner contribute an equal amount of time and work to the relationship and work with you, not against you. Notice I said demand, not ask - once in a while you have the right to demand certain actions. Make sure that you stick to your guns, though. Laziness breeds more laziness, and your partner has to know what's required for your happiness. How To Work On Marriage
Second, tell yourself that it's okay to want some romance and quality time from your partner. And you shouldn't feel guilty for wanting someone to pull their own weight - you weren't put on this planet to be your partner's maid, cook, and butler. If you're really getting the respect you deserve, then there should be a spirit of generosity and helpfulness in your relationship.
Third, sit down and divide up the unpleasant duties. I often suggest that couples write down the actual tasks to be completed so there's absolutely no question as to who did or didn't do their fair share. Make up a schedule, for that will ensure success. I know that nobody wants to be the one to clean the bathroom, but someone has to do it, and it shouldn't be you every time.
Fourth, demand that major decisions be made jointly. I'm acquainted with someone who went out and bought a house in a different city without consulting his wife first! I know it sounds incredible, but it's true. I found it even harder to believe that this man's wife ultimately went along with the plan. The two subsequently split up, and now they're living in different cities.
I'll talk in detail about money management later, but suffice it to say that you don't want to get into debt and have your credit rating ruined because your partner spent a lot of money behind your back - major decisions such as these should be made as a team.
Finally, remember that the longer you let a lazy partner get away with this type of behavior, the harder it will he for any change to occur. So make your demands today. To learn more, you can check out How To Work On Marriage.
