Make and Keep Clear Agreements with Each Other
This principle states that you are a responsible, mature individual. Therefore, you willingly do what you agree to do within the period you said you would do it. It implies that you only make agreements that are true to your Relighting Romance and yourself and that you are including your partner in your thoughts, agreements, and actions. You are saying, "I realize I have an impact on you, and I'm going to follow through on what I agreed to do. And if I cannot follow through for some reason, I'll let you know and we will figure out another away to accomplish the task." It doesn't matter how big or small the agreement is.
In any relationship, when you follow through on your agreements, you build trust. Your friends, family, coworkers, and partner learn to count on you. Some people call this walking your talk. Typically, people who make clear agreements and act on them do so in every facet of their lives. Let's look at how Frank and Jen laid the foundation for establishing their Relighting Romance Style agreements early on in their relationship.
When they first met, Frank said he would call Jen early in the following week to ask her out - and he did just that. In the early stages of their courtship, he'd call every Monday morning to ask Jen about her plans for that Friday or Saturday night. They would make a date, and he always showed up on time. Gradually, Frank started asking Jen if she would also like to get together on Tuesday evenings for dinner. This went on for a few weeks until he began to call just to talk once or twice during the week. Jen let him take the lead to see how dependable Frank would be. Eventually they agreed that they should share the calling and the initiating of plans, but they could count on Tuesday and one weekend night as they grew to know each other better. Fastest Way Tips To Get Back Together
From this early courtship behavior, Jen learned to trust that Frank would do what he agreed to do. She realized he was a man of his word, carefully building her confidence and trust in the sincerity of his interest. He discovered he could trust her responsiveness to his invitations and gradually to making larger decisions together. They have been married for eighteen years now, and Frank is accountable and clear in his agreements with Jen. They have had their challenges over the years, but accountability is not one of them.
Some people have difficulty living up to their agreements. They confuse their partners, friends, and associates by saying yes and then not following through on what they agreed to do. In any relationship, especially an intimate one, such of accountability always leads to distrust, anger, and frustration on the part of the mate, and shame, anger, and sometimes denial or avoidance on the part of the person who makes unclear agreements or fails to follow through.
I am thinking about David, who, in the early stages of our couples coaching, frequently, stated his intentions to engage in Relighting Romance with his wife, Eileen. He made such statements with regard to mundane issues - such as sharing the responsibility for household chores - as well as deeper ones - such as attending to Eileen's need for affection and acknowledging the positive things she contributed to their marriage.
Although Eileen could trust David to follow through on his agreement to care for their son when he said he would, she could not count on him to do the household chores or to give her a hug or otherwise express affection or appreciation. David reverted to the Roommate Style of relating and unilaterally decided when he would or would not give affection.
He would forget to do the chores or he would become too overwhelmed. Eileen could not count on what he said he would do, which led to deep and ongoing strife. This couple could not fully engage in Relighting Romance because David consistendy failed to act on many of his agreements. Fastest Way Tips To Get Back Together
In addition to being honest about what you will and wont agree to in your relationship, each of you can become skilled at indicating a need for more time to reflect on what you are willing to agree to in any situation. For example,
- Your partner may learn to say, "I need to think about it," and "I will get back to you later this week." And he will follow through later that week.
- You will learn to say, "I don't have time to do that this week, but how about next Wednesday?" And you will follow through next Wednesday.
- You may both learn to indicate, "I never thought about that. Let me think it over, and then I'd be happy to tell you my thoughts either over dinner tomorrow night or at our weekly family meeting next Sunday." And then you will both follow through at those times. You will both feel good because you have been inclusive, openhearted Relighting Romance Partners!
In a dictionary, the original meaning of sabotage refers to "the destruction of property." Here, I am referring to the potential to destroy or hinder progress toward your desire to become a Relighting Romance Partner.
Ways in which we sabotage ourselves may be large or small. Some examples that fit this program may include
- withholding a compliment when I know it would please my partner;
- "forgetting" an agreement with my partner;
- eating or drinking too much so I have no energy for sex;
- trying to convince my partner to watch TV instead of talking together;
- avoiding scheduling regular talking time on a consistent basis;
- cleaning the house instead of making time for a date night.
Now that you have completed this Step, individually and together, reflect on your readiness to use Step 5: Address Any Issue Together - Whether It's Yours, Mine, or Ours, and the perspective of inclusiveness and openheartedness that comprises true compassion.
In the following blog posts, you will explore the attitudes and behaviors that characterize this essential step, such as reminding yourselves that partnering is a joint effort, pulling your weight in the Partnership no matter what your partner is doing, and making and keeping clear agreements with each other. You can get more details by getting Fastest Way Tips To Get Back Together online.
