Abandoning Yourself Breeds Resentment
Internal abandonment is when your body is present, but your heart or mind is not fully involved in the moment - or in the relationship. Abandonment occurs when you are going through the motions, and so you say yes to things without really thinking or being committed to your choices.
Sometimes people abandon themselves and their partners for short periods of time. We all experience times like these when we are overly tired, distracted, or stressed by another area of life.
Harriet and Kammi are in their mid-forties and have been in a committed relationship for thirteen years. Sometimes Kammi "goes away" internally. As Harriet said,
I can always tell when Kammi is going through a stressful time at work. She comes home and she's like a robot. She'll come around after a few days, and then we talk about what's happening at work, Only then do I feel like I have her full attention once again. Proven Method Get Back Together Relationship
Some people have a protective pattern they developed in childhood to shield themselves from being hurt. This pattern can cause one partner to go away internally. Gordon reports that his wife of thirty-two years would periodically go away internally, sometimes for weeks or even months. His wife went through the motions of daily life and had conversations with Gordon, yet she was not fully engaged in their relationship or in life:
Then one day, she'd just be "back." It was the most perplexing thing. We'd both know it. Later we learned that when someone or something shamed her, she withdrew. Shame was a constant part of her childhood and she had developed a protective mechanism to avoid the deep hurt it caused her. Learning about the Relighting Romance approach and the essentials help her stay present and talk out the hurt instead of withdrawing. It taught me how to be a better listener, and we now work through the issues together.
Some people don't take care of their physical or spiritual health. They may not exercise, or they may lack the vitality to have sex or engage in social pursuits. This physical withdrawal is another form of abandonment that has an impact on the individual as well as the partnership.
Kim and Lee have been in a committed relationship for nineteen years, and recendy Lee has exhibited this sort of physical distance. As Kim explained,
Lee and I had always enjoyed making love - and frequently. These days he's put on weight and seems vulnerable about getting older, I still find him attractive and loveable, but he's distracted and withdrawn. He's not even interested in going out for dinner or movies as often. We're still affectionate, but sex is very infrequent. Proven Method Get Back Together Relationship
When you practice staying fully committed, you learn to be present in your relationship by taking time for yourself (to read, take a nap, go for a wall see your friends, have a massage) so that you can feel refreshed. The two of you also learn to come together and go apart without having to internally withdraw, because you enjoy your individual activities and can count on regular times enjoying each other's company.
Lacking Values and Priorities Undermine Your Relationship
While our society offers a myriad of exciting and wonderful options, many outside forces pose challenges to our personal relationships. In the modern world, we receive mixed messages about what to consider a priority, and we are faced with many temptations that guide us away from family life. While the reality of temptation and opportunities to stray is an issue that should be addressed in any intimate partnership, what I am referring to are the everyday socially acceptable temptations to stray from your core values. These include the temptations to
- spend money on bigger houses, cars, toys, vacations, or travel, and not pay attention to financial limits or financial goals - because the economic system allows it;
- eat, drink, or exercise excessively;
- work excessively without considering the impact on your relationship and family in order to impress the boss and other colleagues;
- avoid too much involvement with your children, because you fear you might appear less professional to your colleagues or because you are not sure your children really want your involvement;
- prioritize house chores or home maintenance, rather than talking with or making love to your partner, because society leads us to believe that these things are more important;
- put friends or extended family above your partner.
Next we'll talk about case study on Cheryl, who's distractions pulled her away from her family. If you are interested to learn how to have a better relationship, you can get Proven Method Get Back Together Relationship right now!
