What Do We Mean by Commitment?
A commitment is a pledge, promise, oath, vow, or agreement given in trust. In a relationship, it is typically a promise of loyalty, fidelity, faithfulness, compassion, and companionship. Commitment to a relationship before marriage or without a ceremony is a private affirmation of the love, harmony, bond, understanding, and desire two people have to build a relationship together. When two people marry, the commitment becomes a public vow, a promise made in the presence of family and friends, sanctioned by God or the state, to create a life together "till death do us part."
Formal Commitment
There are times to make a formal commitment - or recommitment - to each other, to your relationship, and to the Relighting Romance future you are building. In the next few blog posts exercises , you will both have an opportunity to reflect on and make a conscious statement or reaffirmation of your commitment. You may have already done this through an engagement, a marriage, a commitment ceremony, or a renewal of your vows. Even so, take the opportunity this week to make or reinforce that vow. It is a promise to you and to each other.
Daily Commitment
Another way of showing your commitment is through your daily interactions. Commitment is implied in every action, agreement, and communication as you build your Relighting Romance universe, where two whole individuals work to satisfy both individual and mutual needs, desires, and goals. You will become aware of how ongoing dedication is integral to everything you do.
As you develop a strong consciousness of this step of the program, you will notice that your steadfastness is naturally reaffirmed through your everyday interactions and behaviors.
Challenges to Our Commitments
Some years ago, National Public Television aired a series of interviews with couples that had been together for forty, fifty, or sixty years. In this documentary, each couple related the trials and delights of their long marriage.
They talked about their various stages, events, and memories. Some were humorous and playful as they spoke. Others poignantly revealed touches of old pain. Fastest Way Get Back Your Love
One couple almost grudgingly talked of staying together out of convenience and necessity. Others revealed a rich companionship, friendship, and appreciation - a deep and enduring love - that had grown out of the life they had created together.
In this documentary, all of the couples had married and committed at a time when commitment was a strong societal value and expectation. Most of them did not question their vows, and if they did, it was not until they were much older and divorce was more prevalent. When these couples were young, most people expected to marry and raise children.
Couples came together not only for love but also for survival and security; for them, economic stability and raising good, healthy children were very important. They wanted happiness, but they did not always expect it as the primary value or priority. Those married prior to the 1960s generally had a long-term vision of being together and did not consider divorce if they struggled for a time.
If we look at the divorce rate as well as the number of cohabitants who break up today, it is apparent that neither a personal nor a public declaration of commitment is enough to hold many relationships together. Almost 50 percent of marriages end in divorce, and 56 percent of cohabitants eventually separate.
Today the motivations for marriage, or for any romantic commitment, are much more varied. Happiness, compatibility, and fulfillment of mutual wants and desires are high on the list of expectations. So when these factors are unfulfilled due to challenges of long-term relating and everyday life, commitment to the relationship is often challenged as well. If people aren't happy for a time - for any reason, large or small - they often question the entire relationship.
Long-term relationships require steady nurturance, continuous affirmation, and commitment. It is joyful to be committed during the honeymoon and the smooth periods of a relationship. However, in any long-term relationship our devotion is challenged at various times. It may be challenged by an event as disruptive and painful as an affair, by the pressures of children or two careers, or even by boredom. Factors such as financial stress, moving, poor health, demanding schedules, or in-laws and extended family may also challenge your commitment. Fastest Way Get Back Your Love
One couple I've worked with on and off since they were dating has had a relationship filled with many joys and just as many stresses. Together for almost nine years and married for six years, Donna and David experienced the joys of falling passionately in love and sharing a strong sense of life purpose that included being together and creating a thriving relationship and family.
Together they had also built a successful business that allowed Donna time with her young sons and David the excitement of training leaders throughout the world. Donna and their two beautiful preschool-aged sons often travel with David to foreign countries where they meet interesting people. In their early forties, both Donna and David share conscious aspirations to do good work and impact the world with their inspiring message, as well as through philanthropy and volunteering, as they. grow older.
On the other hand, Donna and David have also navigated the murky waters of premarital infidelity and alcohol addiction. In the early stages of building their business, they suffered bankruptcy, the consequences of which they still feel in minor ways. During this same time, Donna suffered the illness and subsequent death of her sister from cancer. She also experienced post-partum depression following each of her son's births.
David is high energy and demanding. He gets angry, when Donna is not "at the top of her game" along with him. David's work is exciting, but it takes him away from home nearly half of each month. At times, Donna must pack up the family to accompany him on the business trips while their sons are still young and not in school.
Donna and David have been consciously committed to partnering since their dating years. Neither of them would rate their relationship as Traditional, Merged, or Roommate, except when they go through a transition - such as bankruptcy or having children or any of the other times described. With every challenge, however, this couple has sought to renew and revitalize their Relighting Romance Partnership. They would be the first to admit they are not perfect, but they want to get better. They also renew their commitment to each other and to their marriage on a daily basis. As Donna explained,
Whether we are together or apart, no matter where we are in the world on any given night, we always say we are committed to our marriage out loud to each other: "I choose to be married to you today." Sometimes this isn't easy because one or the other of us may feel angry or depressed, making one of us ambivalent. But we reaffirm our desire to make this relationship work in spite of how difficult it is that day.
David added,
Even when I am mad at her, I love Donna more than anything. I have this vision of how good it is sometimes and how good we can make it if we are both doing the work. We have an incredible life. We have so many blessings not shared by many others on the planet. Saying, "I want to be married to you today. I choose to be married to you today," keeps me in the moment and working through the tough stuff, and it makes the good stuff even more fantastic.
To build a rock-solid and satisfying Relighting Romance Partnership means that you must commit - and sometimes recommit - not only to each other and to your relationship, but also to Relighting your Romance: an evolving long-term relationship that the two of you create over the years.
To learn more about how to improve your relationship, you can get Fastest Way Get Back Your Love online right now!
