Romantic Ideas For Date - Talking Creates Dramatic and Ongoing Improvements

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- All about romance - Talk regularly and take turn listening

This is how Sari explained their situation:

I used to talk and talk and tell him what I wanted and how I was feeling, He'd listen and really showed me he cared, Now he tunes me out, At some point he iust seemed to get tired of hearing anything I had to say, and he stopped talking to me about his life. Over the years I've tried every tactic to get him to talk to me - some loving, and some I'm not so proud of. 

I don't know what happened. I've iust given up. I don't have the energy, I don't have much feeling - about anything. I don't know what I want anymore. I don't know how to talk to him. I'm so angry and hurt. I don't know if I even love him, I don't know what I feel
 
Many people start to resent and blame their partner rather than identify difficult communication as a problem stemming from lack of steady, meaningful connection. They fail to recognize this as a problem they can solve together.

For some men and women, resentment turn into passivity, depression, and withdrawal from their mate; for others, antipathy is expressed through anger, bhme, and sometimes disrespectful or abusive language. As you will discover throughout these 10 Steps, while these feelings may be human and normal, they should not be acted on. Instead, you will practice ways of talking to each other without pulling your intention to partner, without putting your problems between you. Then you will learn new ways to resolve your problems together.

Mohammed and Sari are an example of how not talking consistently to each other can lead to assumptions and resentments. These resentments are then acted out through increased negative exchanges. When people stop talking and stop having positive interactions (Steps 1 and 2), they end up in a troubled cycle. Using Step 2, talking together regularly and listening carefully to each other, you'll avoid these troubles just as Mohammed and Sail learned to do. Like Mohammed and Sari, you both want the same thing - a solid, happy life together.

Talking and listening regularly improves the quality of your interaction, It also gives full attention to the topic that is important to your partner. In the Relighting Romance approach, partners are asked to spend twenty to thirty minutes at least every other day, or tour times per week, taking turns talking and listening to each other. Each person is allowed roughly half of the time for the partner's undivided attention.

Now, scheduling twenty to thirty minutes every other day to maximize the quality and efficiency, of communication might sound clinical. Some reel this conversation would or should happen spontaneously "if he really loved me" or "if she really cared." For other couples, finding the time for a conversation at the end of the day when they are too fired or burned out seems nearly impossible. This resistance is exacdy why it's so important to talk together regularly and take turns listening.

When first given this assignment, some couples are so out of practice they don't know what to talk about or how to fill the ten to fifteen minutes allotted to each partner. If this happens to you the first few times, simply share your responses to the exercises at the end of each chapter, and you will have plenty to talk about.

Talking Creates Dramatic and Ongoing Improvements

Even though couples vary in the amount of time they talk, regular talking and listening nearly always improves the overall quality of the relationship. While Dr. Gottman's research discussed later shows that a high ratio of positive-to-negative interactions is an essential factor in the longevity of marriages, my observations show that developing a consistent pattern of meaningful communication in any couple is equally important. Both are easy to reintegrate in your relationship; both empower you to quickly nourish your relationship and improve how you feel about yourself and each other.

So how did implementing this essential step - talking together - affect Mohammed and Sari?

During the first coaching session, we assessed their relationship style, which had deteriorated to Traditional/Roommate. They agreed to stop fighting while they practiced Step 1, increasing the positives between them. They also agreed to begin Step 2 and schedule regular talking and listening time, discussing things that had once been important to them. I told them to do so until they returned for their next session.

Two weeks later, a different couple walked into the room. They were sweet and playful with each other, reporting their progress with a bit of sparkle, humor, eye contact, and touch. Talking had been difficult at first, but they were determined to see if they could learn to partner, and they had been successful in talking at least five of the eight times. At first, they felt shy or unsure of what to say. They decided to share some early childhood memories. Then they talked about what they each loved about their courtship days. Soon Sari was sharing an experience that had made her feel cared about. Mohammed took a risk and talked about how her behavior or tone of voice sometimes really hurt his feelings even though he seldom showed it. They even talked about the dreams of travel and adventure that had been buried.

Mohammed and Sari quickly reported more fun and flow in their lives as they developed a pattern of consistent talking during the next month. They were entertaining friends at a dinner party they created together, planning a bit of travel as a couple for their anniversary, and devoting days to play and family activities with their son. Their heavy work schedules had not changed. As they talked, they began to feel less like Roommates and behave less Traditionally; they began to partner.

During the next few months of coaching, Mohammed and Sari twice experienced what happens when they stop talking regularly and listening to each other. Once the family was sick for two consecutive weeks, and they were lazy about talking meaningfully even though all three were home in bed. They slipped into their more Traditional roles, with Sari waiting on her husband and child even though she was just as ill. 

Another time, Mohammed brought his unhappiness about work into his marriage, and he stopped talking to Sari about the stress he was feeling at work. They felt like Roommates when this happened. Both times, the old behaviors made them discontented. After the second time this happened, they got it: "We haven't been talking enough!"

Once they fully grasped the "key" they each held to improving their relationship, Mohammed and Sari felt empowered. Together they could easily go from a Traditional/Roommate Style to Relighting Romance Parmering; they could go from unhappiness to contentment - and even joy - in a matter of minutes, by simply devoting the time to talking meaningfully with each other.

As you continue to table your fights, create more positive feelings, talk together regularly and take turns listening, you and your partner can feel empowered, too. To truly learn how to have a better relationship, you have to get Pull Your Ex Back right now!